December 31, 2009

2009 predictions revisited

Well ladies and germs, it's that special time of year again. I know, I know, I can hardly believe it either -- 58 years since the Marshall Plan expired! Can you believe it? Coincidentally, it's also the last day of 2009, which means it's time for me to revisit those predictions I made exactly a year ago. So in the immortal words of Castor Troy, "Let's go, let's go, I'm bored, let's go," I will review my predictions with no further ado:

The following things will take place in the year 2009:

* I actually do get that darn job this time. I'm very effing due.
Yes, although very different than what I had in mind. I actually ended up going back to school to get my Master of Divinity at Bethel Seminary, and just got hired to work in the library there. That, combined with my financial aid [aka the first debt I've ever had... not sure how I feel about that] and a couple of days a week at my old job at The Remington Club gives me enough money to survive on my own.

* Some schmuck will try to kill President Obama. He will not be successful.
I'm sure there were multiple attempts, but the two that stand out to me are the incredibly ill-conceived plot by white supremacists to shoot Obama during his inauguration speech, and the guy who mailed him an envelope of HIV-infected blood (and included his return address and a photo of himself, no less).

* Brent, naturally, will contract a baker's dozen STIs. He's very effing due.
Once again, like shooting fish in a barrel. He got so many this year, I even wrote a song about it.

* Caleb gets a swinging bachelor pad, a new chair, and an embarrassing rash.
I wish I could say I only got two out of the three, but alas, I'm batting 1.0 thus far.

* Someone I know will get in an auto accident.
My best friend Stacey got in a multi-car pileup earlier this year, rendering her car totally, um, totalled. Then, just a few nights ago, we were driving in her new car and got rear ended in a parking lot! Luckily the second one was just a scratch.

* Charles really will be the gentleman caller to a female acquaintance for at least 45 minutes. He's very effing due.
Not to my knowledge, but he did get a Lord of the Dance t-shirt.

* At least three massive political scandals. Not just little Larry Craig style, either. I'm talking Duke Cunningham and Rod Blagojevich calibre scandals that make Jay Leno not even have to try anymore.
Boy, if I just omitted the word "political" from that one, I'd have been right on with David Letterman and Tiger Woods. But rules is rules, and I said political scandals, which were surprisingly tame this year. We had Sen. John Ensign (R-NV) sleeping with his treasurer and Gov. Mark Sanford (SC) hastily skipping town without warning to hike the Appalachian Trail nail his Argentine adulteress. Both men declined to resign, despite the ridiculousness of their corruption, especially on the part of Sanford (who violated 37 ethics laws). We also saw [now former] CA Assemblyman Michael Duvall bragging to his friend about his multiple affairs with lobbyists over a hot mic on live TV. Woops! This was particularly outrageous because this clown has a long history of denying rights in the name of "family values"... but I guess adultery is more morally upright than same-sex marriage, eh Mike?

* Someone extremely unlikely gets engaged. Heads explode.
Brent (of multiple STI fame)'s sister Erica got engaged and subsequently married within the same week. Another Erika just announced her engagement to another guy named Brent (apparently going for the confusion factor), and my buddy Andy got engaged to his ladyfriend Courtney not long ago as well. I'm also told that my friend Washburn from high school got engaged within the past month or so, too. And then there's the engagement of former youth ministry student Peter to former youth ministry leader Meg (don't worry, it only sounds sketchy) And, according to some rumors I've heard, I may or may not have gotten engaged this year, as well. Funny how I'm always the last one to hear about the major events in my life.

* Sheer madness, the likes of which hasn't been seen since 2005. The kind of madness that'd make King George seem pretty straightforward.
I don't know if there was actually grand-scale madness of this sort, but there was definitely a high amount of small-scale madness, so that may average out about the same.

There we have it. Seven accurate predictions and two not-quite-there ones. Not too bad, I think. Hopefully I'll do even better in 2010.

Happy new year!
-cbr