A lady at the place where I work is into ceramics. She tells people that she makes them herself, but that's a lie. She actually just takes pre-formed ceramic figurines and paints them. Back before I knew the truth about her [lack of] involvement in making her figurines, I thought to myself, "Boy, she's really good! Granted, her painting sucks, but her sculpting is amazing!" But it turns out that she's not good at sculpting but bad at painting, but sadly, just bad at painting.
(Related)
I'm not one to make fun of other people's
art coloring, and that's not my intention in bringing this up. I bring it up because her painted figurines are creepy as all hell. They all have exactly one thing in common (aside from being lied about), and that's a pair of ghoulish, heavily shadowed eyes. And this creeps me out. I don't know why she consistently does this. Maybe she's a secret creeper (like me) and hopes to give people nightmares with her art (like me). Or maybe she's just really, really unskilled with the paint brush (like me), with the result that all her pieces are, unintentionally, grotesque (like me). Whatever the reason, it needs to stop, because it's the stuff of nightmares (like me).
Take this
cute horrifying little penguin, for example:
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| All good things inside you died just now. |
Look at it. Just look. Stare into the vacuum of those cold, unfeeling eyes for a good, long minute.
You know that feeling you have now, like your soul has just been quietly but savagely violated within you? That's the feeling I have every day I go into work and have this thing stare at me from across the desk. But it gets even worse. Look...
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| It's like sharing a desk with the Children of the Corn. |
More of them! Twice the terror! For the love of all that's good and holy, why do these things exist?! And why are they glued to the lamp at the reception desk?!
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| Seriously, how do we live in a world in which these are allowed to be? |
I'm convinced that if soul-eating death penguins could talk, they would sound like small English children who speak without emotion. I can already see them waddling single file through my bedroom window at night, intent on murder, while I lay sleeping in my bed. Just for the record, I'll be sleeping with a carving knife tonight.
As disturbing as those penguins are (and they are!), they're not even the worst of it. Not by a long shot. What you're about to see is a whole different kind of wrong:
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| This is so bad, I can't even bring myself to write a funny caption about it. |
Penguins of the Damned are one thing, but this is so disturbing that it crosses over into the morally offensive. I don't really know how to say this without sounding crass, but look at this and tell me how it can be anything but a victim of sexual violence. Now I know rape a very serious thing and nothing to joke about, but that's really the only thing this penguin looks like. The tear-filled black-eyes with running mascara, the bloody split-open lip (or nose, it's hard to tell on a penguin), the look of shame and indignity, the hands over the crotch... Seriously, what the eff. This thing exists. A freaking bloody nose, for crying out loud! What on earth was she thinking?? And who thought it would be a good idea to display it at work? Hell, man. The vacant, soul-eating penguins suddenly seem like Muppet Babies in light of this. Seriously, we have a huge problem here.
Conclusion: Someone at my work is very messed up, in a very
Clockwork Orange kind of way. And I dread going to work (and to sleep) because of it.
