December 31, 2008

predictions for 2009

Alright, I'm at a New Years Party, and I'm getting a lot of crap for nerding out on the blogosphere instead of playing Apples to Apples, so I'm gonna make this quick and dirty.

The following things will take place in the year 2009:

* I actually do get that darn job this time. I'm very effing due.

* Some schmuck will try to kill President Obama. He will not be successful.

* Brent, naturally, will contract a baker's dozen STIs. He's very effing due.

* Caleb gets a swinging bachelor pad, a new chair, and an embarrassing rash.

* Someone I know will get in an auto accident.

* Charles really will be the gentleman caller to a female acquaintance for at least 45 minutes. He's very effing due.

* At least three massive political scandals. Not just little Larry Craig style, either. I'm talking Duke Cunningham and Rod Blagojevich calibre scandals that make Jay Leno not even have to try anymore.

* Someone extremely unlikely gets engaged. Heads explode.

* Sheer madness, the likes of which hasn't been seen since 2005. The kind of madness that'd make King George seem pretty straightforward.

2008 predictions revisited

I'm writing this on a friend's computer, and have no choice but to reluctantly use Internet Explorer instead of a decent browser (i.e., anything besides Explorer). Due to the fact that Explorer sucks monkey feet, I have to rewrite this entire entry because IE decided to wait until I'd spent well over an hour writing and then erase everything, just to be a bastard. I hate Microsoft.

Anyway, enough ranting. Back to business. As you know, I spend every New Years Eve not having fun at parties, but blogging about my predictions for the upcoming year. Before I make my '09 predictions, it would be suitable to take a look back at the predictions I made last year and see how I fared. So, in the immortal words of the Joker's plastic surgeon, "Let's see how we did".

My predictions for 2008 were:

* I will get a new job. This job will be full time, and will pay enough that I only have to work the one job, and not two jobs. I will have time for hobbies, I will have a social life, and I'll actually have some of my paycheck left in the bank by the next payday. I've heard of that concept before; I think it's called "saving".
What a depressing way to start. Obviously, when I wrote this last year, I had no way to know that the economy would take a swan dive into the crapper, and finding a job would be about as easy as solving a Rubik's Cube. Needless to say, this prediction did not come true.

* Brent, of course, will contract yet another STI.
This one is always a slam dunk. I might as well predict that the sun will rise tomorrow.

* Someone I know will get engaged. This seems like a pretty safe bet these days; it's like there's a contagion going around, and at least one or two friends get infected every year.
About a week after I wrote this, my friend Lori got engaged to a guy who looks like Barak Obama. Sweet! A little later in the year, my ex-girlfriend Elaine got engaged, too. And finally, my friend Jessica, who had previously agreed to be a party to my aspirations of polygamy, got engaged to some other chump. Psh!

* I read at least one book in its entirety. This is a much more realistic prediction than last year's.
I did this! I read a book about leading a small youth group. It was a small book, but a book nonetheless.

* Big energy breakthrough.
Nothing earth-shattering, but instead a steady stream of little breakthroughs with huge potential (eg., 1, 2, 3, 4, 5).

* I make a new friend or two, who turn out to be really good ones. Yeah, I predicted this last year and was wrong, but this year I'm getting a new job and a social life, remember?
Oh yeah, this was a good year for making friends... Bekah, Shayna, Emilie, Trina, and Miki entered the world of Caleb's amigos this year. Notice how they're all chicks? That's weird, huh?

* Caleb makes some music. And not the kind that comes from eating lots of beans and cabbage.
Well, I got a standing ovation at a karaoke bar for my rendition of Mack the Knife; does that count?

* Caleb eats lots of beans. Doubtful on the cabbage.
Plenty of beans, and at least three times as much cabbage as last year. Nice.

* Charles is a gentleman caller to a young lady. For at least 45 minutes.
No, but he did get caught up in an elaborate lie in which he had to tell someone's mother-in-law that he was taking a girl to a Christmas party.

* Someone fairly unlikely gets discovered and given no less than 15 minutes of fame. This is someone I know, not just some random fool like that bro who got tased.
My brother was presented to Arnold at a packed-out Chargers game after the fires this year. That sort of counts, doesn't it? Wait, that was in 2007? Well, crap.

* Absolute madness, mischief, and mayhem of the highest degree.
Nothing stands up to 2007, when Durfey ended up naked in a fountain...

So, how did I do? Final count shows 7 accurate predictions, and 3 less-than-so. Not half bad, especially considering how lackluster this year was. Now, on to the predictions for 2009...