like inception, but not

I had a 4-layered dream last night. You ever have one of those? It's a dream, within a dream, within a dream, within a dream. I've had a number of layered dreams in my life, and sometimes they're pretty cool (although never Inception cool), but usually they're a drag. My most common layer-dream is akin to Groundhog Day, and I just repeat the waking up, showering, getting dressed, and leaving for work routine over and over and over again. Then, when I finally wake up for real, I'm so exhausted from having gone through my morning routine - only to realize that I have to do it all over again - so many times, that I may as well have not even slept.

Fortunately, last night's layer-dream was not as repetitive. In the first layer, I was at a stand-up club. It was a dark and smokey joint like you see in old movies. I don't really remember anything about this layer except that one of the comedians had a quip which I would be trying to recall throughout all the other layers. It was little more than a plot device.

The second layer had something to do with a cooking show. I'm pretty sure croissants was the lesson of the day. I was on the cooking show, and there came the perfect moment to use the brilliant quip I had heard in my previous dream. I attempted to say it, but couldn't quite remember it, and it ended with me looking and feeling quite the fool as I rambled on in a vain attempt to cover the fact that I forgot the punchline. Perhaps because the embarrassment was so great, or perhaps because it was just time, I then woke up from that layer.

The third layer was by far the stupidest. I was working with a drama team I used to work with, and we were to create a live stage version of Alvin & The Chipmunks. I got cast as Simon, which even in a stupid dream I knew was a terrible decision. Our set was three oversized building blocks (don't ask) and a bedroom with bunk beds (again, don't ask). During one of our brainstorming sessions, I kept thinking of that great quip I had heard in the dream within a dream I had just had. It would be great for the show, I thought. But try as I may, I simply could not remember it. Darn! Alvin & The Chipmunks will just have to proceed sans clever one-liner.

Layer three ended, and I awoke in the back seat of a limo heading toward the airport. I was wearing a suit, and the man next to me was carrying one of those Halliburton briefcases. I just remember being overwhelmed with the thought, Thank God I'm not really in an Alvin & The Chipmunks stage show!... And what was that funny line I was trying to remember in all three layers of my dream? It was a really good one! I asked the guy with the briefcase if he knew anything about the line in my dream, and he responded by telling me that's a damned stupid question. He was cool though, and tried to help jog my memory, but to no avail.

Then, I woke up. For real this time. I went about my day and frequently thought what a good thing it is that I'm not really in an Alvin & The Chipmunks stage show. And by frequently, I mean I'm counting my blessings every minute of the day. I saw my girlfriend, and told her about this weird four-layer dream I had, in which I kept trying to remember a great quip that I heard in the first layer. I wished I could tell her what it was, but it was still just not coming to me. Oh well. We went on with our day.

And then, seemingly out of nowhere, it hit me. Four layers of waking up and trying to remember, and now I finally got it. The one-liner that plagued my sleep was finally to be known. And what was it?

Dang, this is almost as bland and unfulfilling as Jay Leno's punchlines!

I know, I know. What a letdown.

You might say it's almost as much of a letdown as Jay Leno's punchlines! Hey-ohhhh!

cause or effect?

Last night I dreamed I was in a public restroom, and even though I had just used the urinal, I started utilizing toilet paper. A lot of it. An inordinate amount, in fact. It struck me as weird even in the dream that I was doing so much wiping. I then woke up to find I had a massive wedgie.

Last night I had a dream that I was at the dentist, and as long as he was working around there, he gave me a cheek piercing and stuck a ring in it. I didn't ask for it, nor did I really want it at all, but I went around wearing it for days until someone told me how stupid it looked.

I had a dream last night that Gary Williams from church was shot and killed in a convenience store holdup. I told him this when I saw him this morning, and it really freaked him out. John Stafford, who was standing next to him at the time, remarked, "Hey, that's really weird, because I had a dream that I killed him!" Gary laughed, but I think he was crying on the inside.

1. I've been sick, but I'm getting better. Right now it's at that stage where I feel fine, but have lots of snot... which isn't too far off from my normal state.

2. I've been having really weird dreams lately. The other night I dreamed that Conan O'Brien was so impressed by the fact that I drink out of a canteen, that he told me I had a very good chance of getting featured on his Spring Break tour. Yeah, I don't know what that means either, but it was cool.

I've been having really vivid dreams lately – like, really vivid. But now it's stopping. Clearly I have repressed sexual desires for my mother.