Alright, I'm at a New Years Party, and I'm getting a lot of crap for nerding out on the blogosphere instead of playing Apples to Apples, so I'm gonna make this quick and dirty.
The following things will take place in the year 2009:
* I actually do get that darn job this time. I'm very effing due.
* Some schmuck will try to kill President Obama. He will not be successful.
* Brent, naturally, will contract a baker's dozen STIs. He's very effing due.
* Caleb gets a swinging bachelor pad, a new chair, and an embarrassing rash.
* Someone I know will get in an auto accident.
* Charles really will be the gentleman caller to a female acquaintance for at least 45 minutes. He's very effing due.
* At least three massive political scandals. Not just little Larry Craig style, either. I'm talking Duke Cunningham and Rod Blagojevich calibre scandals that make Jay Leno not even have to try anymore.
* Someone extremely unlikely gets engaged. Heads explode.
* Sheer madness, the likes of which hasn't been seen since 2005. The kind of madness that'd make King George seem pretty straightforward.
a collection of musings on life, politics, culture, and humor.
December 31, 2008
2008 predictions revisited
I'm writing this on a friend's computer, and have no choice but to reluctantly use Internet Explorer instead of a decent browser (i.e., anything besides Explorer). Due to the fact that Explorer sucks monkey feet, I have to rewrite this entire entry because IE decided to wait until I'd spent well over an hour writing and then erase everything, just to be a bastard. I hate Microsoft.
Anyway, enough ranting. Back to business. As you know, I spend every New Years Eve not having fun at parties, but blogging about my predictions for the upcoming year. Before I make my '09 predictions, it would be suitable to take a look back at the predictions I made last year and see how I fared. So, in the immortal words of the Joker's plastic surgeon, "Let's see how we did".
My predictions for 2008 were:
* I will get a new job. This job will be full time, and will pay enough that I only have to work the one job, and not two jobs. I will have time for hobbies, I will have a social life, and I'll actually have some of my paycheck left in the bank by the next payday. I've heard of that concept before; I think it's called "saving".
What a depressing way to start. Obviously, when I wrote this last year, I had no way to know that the economy would take a swan dive into the crapper, and finding a job would be about as easy as solving a Rubik's Cube. Needless to say, this prediction did not come true.
* Brent, of course, will contract yet another STI.
This one is always a slam dunk. I might as well predict that the sun will rise tomorrow.
* Someone I know will get engaged. This seems like a pretty safe bet these days; it's like there's a contagion going around, and at least one or two friends get infected every year.
About a week after I wrote this, my friend Lori got engaged to a guy who looks like Barak Obama. Sweet! A little later in the year, my ex-girlfriend Elaine got engaged, too. And finally, my friend Jessica, who had previously agreed to be a party to my aspirations of polygamy, got engaged to some other chump. Psh!
* I read at least one book in its entirety. This is a much more realistic prediction than last year's.
I did this! I read a book about leading a small youth group. It was a small book, but a book nonetheless.
* Big energy breakthrough.
Nothing earth-shattering, but instead a steady stream of little breakthroughs with huge potential (eg., 1, 2, 3, 4, 5).
* I make a new friend or two, who turn out to be really good ones. Yeah, I predicted this last year and was wrong, but this year I'm getting a new job and a social life, remember?
Oh yeah, this was a good year for making friends... Bekah, Shayna, Emilie, Trina, and Miki entered the world of Caleb's amigos this year. Notice how they're all chicks? That's weird, huh?
* Caleb makes some music. And not the kind that comes from eating lots of beans and cabbage.
Well, I got a standing ovation at a karaoke bar for my rendition of Mack the Knife; does that count?
* Caleb eats lots of beans. Doubtful on the cabbage.
Plenty of beans, and at least three times as much cabbage as last year. Nice.
* Charles is a gentleman caller to a young lady. For at least 45 minutes.
No, but he did get caught up in an elaborate lie in which he had to tell someone's mother-in-law that he was taking a girl to a Christmas party.
* Someone fairly unlikely gets discovered and given no less than 15 minutes of fame. This is someone I know, not just some random fool like that bro who got tased.
My brother was presented to Arnold at a packed-out Chargers game after the fires this year. That sort of counts, doesn't it? Wait, that was in 2007? Well, crap.
* Absolute madness, mischief, and mayhem of the highest degree.
Nothing stands up to 2007, when Durfey ended up naked in a fountain...
So, how did I do? Final count shows 7 accurate predictions, and 3 less-than-so. Not half bad, especially considering how lackluster this year was. Now, on to the predictions for 2009...
Anyway, enough ranting. Back to business. As you know, I spend every New Years Eve not having fun at parties, but blogging about my predictions for the upcoming year. Before I make my '09 predictions, it would be suitable to take a look back at the predictions I made last year and see how I fared. So, in the immortal words of the Joker's plastic surgeon, "Let's see how we did".
My predictions for 2008 were:
* I will get a new job. This job will be full time, and will pay enough that I only have to work the one job, and not two jobs. I will have time for hobbies, I will have a social life, and I'll actually have some of my paycheck left in the bank by the next payday. I've heard of that concept before; I think it's called "saving".
What a depressing way to start. Obviously, when I wrote this last year, I had no way to know that the economy would take a swan dive into the crapper, and finding a job would be about as easy as solving a Rubik's Cube. Needless to say, this prediction did not come true.
* Brent, of course, will contract yet another STI.
This one is always a slam dunk. I might as well predict that the sun will rise tomorrow.
* Someone I know will get engaged. This seems like a pretty safe bet these days; it's like there's a contagion going around, and at least one or two friends get infected every year.
About a week after I wrote this, my friend Lori got engaged to a guy who looks like Barak Obama. Sweet! A little later in the year, my ex-girlfriend Elaine got engaged, too. And finally, my friend Jessica, who had previously agreed to be a party to my aspirations of polygamy, got engaged to some other chump. Psh!
* I read at least one book in its entirety. This is a much more realistic prediction than last year's.
I did this! I read a book about leading a small youth group. It was a small book, but a book nonetheless.
* Big energy breakthrough.
Nothing earth-shattering, but instead a steady stream of little breakthroughs with huge potential (eg., 1, 2, 3, 4, 5).
* I make a new friend or two, who turn out to be really good ones. Yeah, I predicted this last year and was wrong, but this year I'm getting a new job and a social life, remember?
Oh yeah, this was a good year for making friends... Bekah, Shayna, Emilie, Trina, and Miki entered the world of Caleb's amigos this year. Notice how they're all chicks? That's weird, huh?
* Caleb makes some music. And not the kind that comes from eating lots of beans and cabbage.
Well, I got a standing ovation at a karaoke bar for my rendition of Mack the Knife; does that count?
* Caleb eats lots of beans. Doubtful on the cabbage.
Plenty of beans, and at least three times as much cabbage as last year. Nice.
* Charles is a gentleman caller to a young lady. For at least 45 minutes.
No, but he did get caught up in an elaborate lie in which he had to tell someone's mother-in-law that he was taking a girl to a Christmas party.
* Someone fairly unlikely gets discovered and given no less than 15 minutes of fame. This is someone I know, not just some random fool like that bro who got tased.
My brother was presented to Arnold at a packed-out Chargers game after the fires this year. That sort of counts, doesn't it? Wait, that was in 2007? Well, crap.
* Absolute madness, mischief, and mayhem of the highest degree.
Nothing stands up to 2007, when Durfey ended up naked in a fountain...
So, how did I do? Final count shows 7 accurate predictions, and 3 less-than-so. Not half bad, especially considering how lackluster this year was. Now, on to the predictions for 2009...
November 22, 2008
October 20, 2008
somehow, this seemed perfectly reasonable to them
Good news for all of you procrastinators, lazy slobs, and irresponsible schmucks: your failure to do things right just may pay off for you!
Take these 88 University students in England who failed to submit their housing papers on time. When they found themselves without dorms (the logical consequence), the school was gracious enough to accommodate them anyway, and found a place for them to stay. Pretty nice of them, huh? But there's a fine line between nice and asinine, and since I'm writing about it here, I think we all know which side of the line they chose.
Nice would be making some grad student dorms, or other similar accommodations, available for the self-displaced students; really nice would be bringing in some modular housing, and perhaps charging them for the added expense (and even that would be a little much, I think). But the school catapulted straight over the nice-line and landed square in the heart of asinine country when they decided to put them up in a 5-star luxury hotel, complete with gourmet food, bubbling jacuzzis, and more high-end hookers than you can shake a stick at. And with rooms going for £50-£120 per day, we're looking at a £700-£1680 bill per room for the two weeks it took for the university to find more appropriate housing. So that means, assuming that students were paired two-per-room, that the final bill was somewhere between £30,800-£73,920 (or $53,548-$128,515 US dollars), not including meals. And the really nice part for the students? They paid the same rate for this Home Alone 2-style adventure as their dorm-dwelling counterparts, with the school generously picking up the difference.
So slackers and half-wits, take heart! If you tend to fail at life, rejoice! For Leicester University has set a bold precedent, and you can now fail no more. Forgot to go to class all semester? No problem, they'll probably give you an A out of pity. Did you shite on the department head's shoes? Don't worry, they'll make you Dean. The more epic your fail, the greater your win! How can you possibly go wrong?
[Related story.]
Take these 88 University students in England who failed to submit their housing papers on time. When they found themselves without dorms (the logical consequence), the school was gracious enough to accommodate them anyway, and found a place for them to stay. Pretty nice of them, huh? But there's a fine line between nice and asinine, and since I'm writing about it here, I think we all know which side of the line they chose.
Nice would be making some grad student dorms, or other similar accommodations, available for the self-displaced students; really nice would be bringing in some modular housing, and perhaps charging them for the added expense (and even that would be a little much, I think). But the school catapulted straight over the nice-line and landed square in the heart of asinine country when they decided to put them up in a 5-star luxury hotel, complete with gourmet food, bubbling jacuzzis, and more high-end hookers than you can shake a stick at. And with rooms going for £50-£120 per day, we're looking at a £700-£1680 bill per room for the two weeks it took for the university to find more appropriate housing. So that means, assuming that students were paired two-per-room, that the final bill was somewhere between £30,800-£73,920 (or $53,548-$128,515 US dollars), not including meals. And the really nice part for the students? They paid the same rate for this Home Alone 2-style adventure as their dorm-dwelling counterparts, with the school generously picking up the difference.
So slackers and half-wits, take heart! If you tend to fail at life, rejoice! For Leicester University has set a bold precedent, and you can now fail no more. Forgot to go to class all semester? No problem, they'll probably give you an A out of pity. Did you shite on the department head's shoes? Don't worry, they'll make you Dean. The more epic your fail, the greater your win! How can you possibly go wrong?
[Related story.]
October 17, 2008
so radical, it makes me want to punch babies
This is a hundred times sweeter than whatever you put up in your dorm, and you know it.
if you don't want to see it, maybe you ought to
I've not yet seen Bill Maher's new movie Religulous, but I'd really like to. After reading this review, I'm even more excited about it.
Please note that I didn't write this (I haven't seen it, remember?); I'm just reproducing someone else's work.
Movie Review: Religulous
by Steve Holt
I saw Bill Maher’s Religulous on Saturday night. Maher, along with Borat director Larry Charles, has produced a “scripted comedy” (Maher is careful not to call this a documentary) in which he pokes holes in supernatural belief and its’ wildly different manifestations around the world. To say he targets the lowest common denominators in the interviews he chose for the movie would be a gross understatement; a group of toothless long-haulers at a truck stop church provides the movie’s most heart-warming moment from a spiritual perspective. Besides the truckers, Maher speaks with:
…the curator of the Creation Museum in Hebron, Ky.
…two gay Muslims in Amsterdam.
…a radical, anti-Zionist Rabbi, who, shockingly, frustrated Maher to the point that the slick-haired comedian actually took his mics off and ended the interview.
…a drug-laced Amsterdam man who believes marijuana produces a religious experience.
Again, Maher is not making a documentary, which, by the strictest definition, is more of an objective, journalistic look at a subject from every angle. He produced Religulous with one goal: to demonstrate the stupidity, and ultimately the danger, of religion.
If I were to judge his success solely based on the information given in the film, I probably would not still be a follower of Jesus. But my thought throughout the film - which is side-splittingly hilarious, by the way - was that “this is not the whole story.” In fact, much of the fodder for Maher’s ridicule is not even part of the story.
A 5,000-year-old Earth?
Bling-donning pastors preaching health and wealth?
A Puerto Rican dude who claims to be the anti-Christ?
Is this all you got, Bill? Really?
But as we left a packed Boston theater, I realized that Maher is asking the same questions as many of those exiting around us. The conversations I overheard revealed a deep distrust in institutionalized religion first and foremost, with an openness to the unexplainable and mysterious. For many Americans, Maher is stepping out as the only one willing to publicly say some of these things, and people of faith would do well to listen.
Those of us who do believe (and live, and act, and hope) could have one of two reactions to a movie like this.
1) Boycott it. Undoubtedly, this is the stance of many Evangelical Christians in America. Their view? Maher shows his cards before we ever sit down at the table, and he cheats, smokes, drinks and cusses his way through the poker game. So we’re sitting this game out. Sorry, Bill.
2) Watch it. You’ll laugh right along with your heathen neighbors at the stupidity of the faithful. You’ll cringe at the bad theology. But you’ll be taking a seat at a conversation already in progress, occurring in the back alleys, pubs, book clubs, and universities of the world. Basically everywhere besides the church.
Of course, I hope Christians will choose the latter. But when we see this film, we should remember a couple things. First, resist the temptation to defend religion. Religion binds, harms, and causes its adherents to follow suit. Religion is man-created, and therefore broken. In this film, Maher is simply observing and underscoring what we’ve known for thousands of years: that left to our own devices, humans have always taken the teachings and actions of Jesus and Muhammed and Yahweh and changed and added to them to suit our own selfish desires, leading to some of the worst atrocities history has ever seen. Maher is almost completely correct in his gloomy assessment of religion, the man-made and imperfect institution.
Second, remember that for many of us, there’s an alternative story to Maher’s assessment of religious belief, especially Christianity. At one point, Maher asks an Evangelical who ascribes to a Lehaye-esque End Days theology a thoughtful question: “Doesn’t all this talk about the end of the world prevent Christians from actually improving the world today?” My answer, to quote Sarah Pailin, is “You betcha.” We know that following Jesus means joining the ancient, cosmic rescue operation begun by God through his remnant in Israel, and continued and sealed through the life, death, resurrection and reign of Jesus of Nazareth. As N.T. Wright puts it, Jesus’ death and resurrection doesn’t mean we are saved from the world, but saved into the grand mission of God. Through communities of Christians around the world, God is changing apartment complexes, blocks, cities, and nations into that which God created them to be.
The religion that goes to war, divides over petty issues, and alienates the world [that God so loved] is not true religion. According to James, true religion is the kind that follows Jesus in looking after the most marginalized ones in our society, which in Jesus’ day were widows and orphans.
At the end of the day, my assessment is that like many other agnostics/skeptics/atheists, Maher’s main problem isn’t so much with belief or the person of Jesus, but with fallen believers who choose to follow what he believes is a fairytale instead of actually making the world a better place. He’s also on the offense against absolute certainty among the faithful without doubts or questions … you know, the ones who lean on supposed proven empirical data, the Bible as science text book, and warmed over clichés as their foundations.
These answers simply won’t fly for Maher, whose questions stump nearly everyone with whom he speaks. The clichés and pat answers also won’t fly with most of our neighbors.
I’ll close by returning to the most positive depiction of the faithful Maher gives us in his film, the guys in the truck stop chapel. After the chaplain gives Maher a few minutes to take to the pulpit to ask a few of his biting questions, a number of men leave the service. But a few stick around, politely answering his questions to the best of their ability. They are clearly not Ph.Ds in theology, but they do listen to Maher (a courtesy Maher does not grant to every one of those he speaks with) and then pray for the comedian before he leaves.
As Maher walks away, he has a smile on his face, a genuine look of peace. His departing words to the circle of mostly overweight, toothless rednecks is startling:
“Thank you for being Christ-like, not just Christians.”
Amen, Bill.
Author Bio: Steve Holt is a disciple, writer, husband, and proud father to an apricot mini poodle, and he lives and conspires in East Boston, MA. You can find his musings about faith, culture, and mission at harvestboston.wordpress.com
Please note that I didn't write this (I haven't seen it, remember?); I'm just reproducing someone else's work.
Movie Review: Religulous
by Steve Holt
I saw Bill Maher’s Religulous on Saturday night. Maher, along with Borat director Larry Charles, has produced a “scripted comedy” (Maher is careful not to call this a documentary) in which he pokes holes in supernatural belief and its’ wildly different manifestations around the world. To say he targets the lowest common denominators in the interviews he chose for the movie would be a gross understatement; a group of toothless long-haulers at a truck stop church provides the movie’s most heart-warming moment from a spiritual perspective. Besides the truckers, Maher speaks with:
…the curator of the Creation Museum in Hebron, Ky.
…two gay Muslims in Amsterdam.
…a radical, anti-Zionist Rabbi, who, shockingly, frustrated Maher to the point that the slick-haired comedian actually took his mics off and ended the interview.
…a drug-laced Amsterdam man who believes marijuana produces a religious experience.
Again, Maher is not making a documentary, which, by the strictest definition, is more of an objective, journalistic look at a subject from every angle. He produced Religulous with one goal: to demonstrate the stupidity, and ultimately the danger, of religion.
If I were to judge his success solely based on the information given in the film, I probably would not still be a follower of Jesus. But my thought throughout the film - which is side-splittingly hilarious, by the way - was that “this is not the whole story.” In fact, much of the fodder for Maher’s ridicule is not even part of the story.
A 5,000-year-old Earth?
Bling-donning pastors preaching health and wealth?
A Puerto Rican dude who claims to be the anti-Christ?
Is this all you got, Bill? Really?
But as we left a packed Boston theater, I realized that Maher is asking the same questions as many of those exiting around us. The conversations I overheard revealed a deep distrust in institutionalized religion first and foremost, with an openness to the unexplainable and mysterious. For many Americans, Maher is stepping out as the only one willing to publicly say some of these things, and people of faith would do well to listen.
Those of us who do believe (and live, and act, and hope) could have one of two reactions to a movie like this.
1) Boycott it. Undoubtedly, this is the stance of many Evangelical Christians in America. Their view? Maher shows his cards before we ever sit down at the table, and he cheats, smokes, drinks and cusses his way through the poker game. So we’re sitting this game out. Sorry, Bill.
2) Watch it. You’ll laugh right along with your heathen neighbors at the stupidity of the faithful. You’ll cringe at the bad theology. But you’ll be taking a seat at a conversation already in progress, occurring in the back alleys, pubs, book clubs, and universities of the world. Basically everywhere besides the church.
Of course, I hope Christians will choose the latter. But when we see this film, we should remember a couple things. First, resist the temptation to defend religion. Religion binds, harms, and causes its adherents to follow suit. Religion is man-created, and therefore broken. In this film, Maher is simply observing and underscoring what we’ve known for thousands of years: that left to our own devices, humans have always taken the teachings and actions of Jesus and Muhammed and Yahweh and changed and added to them to suit our own selfish desires, leading to some of the worst atrocities history has ever seen. Maher is almost completely correct in his gloomy assessment of religion, the man-made and imperfect institution.
Second, remember that for many of us, there’s an alternative story to Maher’s assessment of religious belief, especially Christianity. At one point, Maher asks an Evangelical who ascribes to a Lehaye-esque End Days theology a thoughtful question: “Doesn’t all this talk about the end of the world prevent Christians from actually improving the world today?” My answer, to quote Sarah Pailin, is “You betcha.” We know that following Jesus means joining the ancient, cosmic rescue operation begun by God through his remnant in Israel, and continued and sealed through the life, death, resurrection and reign of Jesus of Nazareth. As N.T. Wright puts it, Jesus’ death and resurrection doesn’t mean we are saved from the world, but saved into the grand mission of God. Through communities of Christians around the world, God is changing apartment complexes, blocks, cities, and nations into that which God created them to be.
The religion that goes to war, divides over petty issues, and alienates the world [that God so loved] is not true religion. According to James, true religion is the kind that follows Jesus in looking after the most marginalized ones in our society, which in Jesus’ day were widows and orphans.
At the end of the day, my assessment is that like many other agnostics/skeptics/atheists, Maher’s main problem isn’t so much with belief or the person of Jesus, but with fallen believers who choose to follow what he believes is a fairytale instead of actually making the world a better place. He’s also on the offense against absolute certainty among the faithful without doubts or questions … you know, the ones who lean on supposed proven empirical data, the Bible as science text book, and warmed over clichés as their foundations.
These answers simply won’t fly for Maher, whose questions stump nearly everyone with whom he speaks. The clichés and pat answers also won’t fly with most of our neighbors.
I’ll close by returning to the most positive depiction of the faithful Maher gives us in his film, the guys in the truck stop chapel. After the chaplain gives Maher a few minutes to take to the pulpit to ask a few of his biting questions, a number of men leave the service. But a few stick around, politely answering his questions to the best of their ability. They are clearly not Ph.Ds in theology, but they do listen to Maher (a courtesy Maher does not grant to every one of those he speaks with) and then pray for the comedian before he leaves.
As Maher walks away, he has a smile on his face, a genuine look of peace. His departing words to the circle of mostly overweight, toothless rednecks is startling:
“Thank you for being Christ-like, not just Christians.”
Amen, Bill.
Author Bio: Steve Holt is a disciple, writer, husband, and proud father to an apricot mini poodle, and he lives and conspires in East Boston, MA. You can find his musings about faith, culture, and mission at harvestboston.wordpress.com
October 5, 2008
how does the mouse stay in place?
For those of us who have had it up to here with surfing the internet while not lounging at a 45-degree angle, the ErgoPod 500 is here to save the day. Good thing it's got that huge steel bar on top.
This is just one of the many strange and delightful things I've found while cleaning out my Bookmarks folder. If you're lucky, I may post more of my findings.
This is just one of the many strange and delightful things I've found while cleaning out my Bookmarks folder. If you're lucky, I may post more of my findings.
September 30, 2008
now here's a rosh hashanah tradition i can get behind!
I logged into Myspace today, and saw that my friend Alison had posted this bulletin:
This was obviously enticing, so I clicked on the link, only to be greeted by one of the greatest headlines I've ever seen:
Woman Wearing Cow Suit Charged With Disorderly Conduct!
HA! That's gotta have a great story behind it, I thought to myself. And boy did it! Apparently a woman was arrested last night after pissing on her neighbor's porch, chasing children around the streets, and causing traffic problems. All while wearing a cow suit. For no apparent reason.
Shana Tova, cow lady.
This was obviously enticing, so I clicked on the link, only to be greeted by one of the greatest headlines I've ever seen:
Woman Wearing Cow Suit Charged With Disorderly Conduct!
HA! That's gotta have a great story behind it, I thought to myself. And boy did it! Apparently a woman was arrested last night after pissing on her neighbor's porch, chasing children around the streets, and causing traffic problems. All while wearing a cow suit. For no apparent reason.
Shana Tova, cow lady.
dispatch from iraq
My friend Jason is currently in Iraq serving with the USMC. This is the message he would like everyone to read:
Life has been pretty good this month. A little boring but good. I wanted to email you so you can forward this out to people.
I don't want this to sound negative but it is something that I have to say. If you could, please have people stop sending me care packages. They are too much. I appreciate the care, time and money that goes into making them, but they are more of a pain than help. For instance, I think I now have 9 tooth brushes, 40 razors, 15 bars of soap, tampons, make-up and make-up remover, etc. etc... I don't need all that stuff. People have to understand that one, our base has everything that we need. I don't mind spending a couple of bucks to buy some shampoo. Also, we do not have the space to keep it, so we will probably throw a lot of it away. I understand the makeup products were probably not meant for me, but we are in a combat zone, women don't wear makeup out here. Not only is it unnecessary for them to do so and they are not allowed to, the makeup messes up their skin really bad because of the dirty environment. I work in a hut. And yes it is an actual hut called a "SWA hut." I don't know what SWA means, but that is what they are called. It is pretty much like a storage thing you would see in someone's backyard but a little bigger. It has plywood walls, a plywood floor, and an aluminum roof. We do not have the room to keep stuff we most likely do not need. Back in my can where I live, I only have one shelf that is about 1 foot by 1 foot to keep stuff, so I have no room there either. I do appreciate people going out of their way to give me stuff, but I just can't use it. I know one might think that I can give it away. Well, I could, but everyone here gets care packages, so no one wants to take the stuff. Others might think I could take it with me when I go outside the wire to give it to local Iraqis. They definitely could use the stuff, but we are trying to limit how much the Iraqi people rely on us. Usually now when we go outside the wire, if we have stuff to give out, we will give it to the Iraqi Police or Iraqi Army first so they can hand it out, just so the Iraqi people get used to receiving goods from their own people.
Plus the trash becomes an issue as well. We burn everything we throw away. Everything. So if we don't use it we burn it. Now I haven't burned any items from care packages yet, but I have burned a lot of boxes. I think a few days ago I must have burned somewhere in the neighborhood of 20 boxes and it takes a while to burn boxes in an oil drum. The packaging is half the pain of receiving care packages. Some people like to cover the boxes with more tape then there is cardboard. Which is completely unnecessary. It just makes it really hard to open. When we receive the mail here it is almost in perfect condition. Just because we are in a "combat zone" it doesn't mean that the USPS that ships it over here likes to jump on the boxes and smash whatever it is inside. Other people have used packing peanuts which drives me crazy for a few reasons. One, I work in a plywood shack. So when I open the box the peanuts go everywhere. So then I have to clean it all up. Then I have to burn the packing peanuts which stinks. Two, most items, if not all, are not breakable and do not need package peanuts to protect them. And third, because I technically am in a combat zone (minus the combat part though) I don't need items that can break. So if someone wants to send me something that is breakable think twice about it because it probably won't last out here.
Enough about my ranting on care packages. In a nut shell, I don't need them. Sending me a box of stuff isn't the only way that I know people are thinking about me. There are other ways people can show they care. Email is good. I throw away all the letters I receive so emails are better. I don't have room to keep letters. Just a simple email asking how it is going is good enough. Another great thing people can do is pay attention to what is going on here. I was watching the Daily Show last night and Jon Stewart was talking to a journalist that just got back from Iraq . Stewart was amazed how well it seemed like things were going according to the journalist. He asked the writer how come most people don't realize what is going on here. The journalist said that last week, Iraq only made up 4% of the news. That means for every 100 stories that people hear about on the tv or radio, only 4 of them are about Iraq . I am sure that those 4 were probably about some bombing that happened in Baghdad. The problem is that the bombings that are still happening are a very small percentage of what is really going here. So if people want to actually care about the soldiers and Marines that are here, then they can go out of their way to find out. The news is doing a horrible job of telling the real story here and I understand that. So many good things have happened here in the last 6 months, but most people probably still think that bullets are firing down range and people are getting slaughtered like they were in the beginning of the war. That is just not true. Our base for instance, which is only 8 miles from Fallujah and 35 miles from Baghdad has not seen any hostile activity (meaning we have been attacked) in a year. Yes a year. Last April was the last time we took incoming. Things are safe. In fact I feel more comfortable out on the streets in Iraq than I do in San Diego. The Iraqis are making a better country for themselves and we are helping them. Now, the government can be just as shady as the news when it comes to what is actually going on. However, if people really care about us here, then they can go to www.usmc.mil, http://www.mcnews.info/mcnewsinfo/marines/gouge/, and http://www.dvidshub.net/. These are Marine Corps news sites. Plus AFN and Pentagon Channel has some good news coverage as well. Now many people might think that they don't want to trust the military propaganda machine, which I understand because I am probably more liberal than a lot of my friends back home, but I work hand in hand with the public affairs guys (the guys that are journalists for the military). So if you are read a story from the area that I work in, most likely I was right next to then taking photographs or video.
People need to understand the situation right now in Iraq. Yes it is messed up. But not in a way where people are running around with AKs and suicide vests blowing up every American they see. It's messed up because these people do not have the resources right now for a stable and effective government. An example. The journalist that was on the Daily Show told of a story that he had done, which probably no one read. It was about a way the Army wanted to help out with the trash problem in Baghdad. They went around and put out bright yellow dumpsters everywhere for people to use. It worked. People threw their trash into them. However, the next day, the goat herders came around, dumped out all the trash onto the streets so the goats could eat it. Then they left it there. The trash went into the sewer system, which was not capable to hold, so the pipes broke and dumped raw sewage into the streets. Whose fault was this? Was it the Army's for trying to have a way for the Iraqis to clean up their trash? Hardly. Was it the people's for actually using the dumpsters? Of course not. What about the goat herders, where their only income comes from the goats who were hungry and needed food? No, not them. Then what about the civil engineers? Was is their fault for not building a strong enough sewer system that could also hold trash as well as sewage? Not theirs either. So whose fault was it? It was nobody's fault. But now it is a problem that needs to be fixed. These are the kinds of issues that are happening over here and that the military is trying to address.
I am sorry about my long ranting email. But it frustrates me every time I get an email from someone or talk to someone and they act like I had just participated in the Battle of Fallujah or the landing at Iwo Jima. The best thing someone could do to help with my morale here is pay attention. Don't go out of your way and send me a care package so I can add another toothbrush to the 15 that I have. Check out the sites in this email. The DVIDs Hub is really good as well as the Pentagon Channel. There are 1000's of stories there for people to read and to find out exactly what is happening. Also, if you don't want to trust the military as a news source, guess what. Where do you think the news gets their news from? The DVIDs Hub is a military news feed. Pretty much what the military journalist do is send back via satellite every story that they write or videotape about. It is sent back to CNN in Atlanta . Yes CNN. Fox doesn't support the military nearly as much as CNN does, because they are the ones that we work directly with. Then from Atlanta , everyone gets their news. Now sometimes when you are watching a news release about Iraq, it looks as if that news company shot it. Well, maybe they did. Most likely they didn't. The military doesn't send back stories that are completely edited. What they do is send back all the b-roll, along with the complete interviews they shot, and maybe a little about what actually happened. Then when a news agency picks it up at Atlanta they edit their own story together and make it look as if they shot it.
Okay I think I am done with my long rant now. Pretty much all I am asking for is to pay attention with what is going on. And yes, that means you will have to get your news sources from some where else then one of the 24 hours "news" networks.
Cpl. Jason W. Fudge
1st MLG Combat Camera
[In between missions, Jason maintains a blog called Grassroots Activism in a Global Economy, which you should definitely check out. You should also check out his Flickr site, because he's an amazing photographer.]
Life has been pretty good this month. A little boring but good. I wanted to email you so you can forward this out to people.
I don't want this to sound negative but it is something that I have to say. If you could, please have people stop sending me care packages. They are too much. I appreciate the care, time and money that goes into making them, but they are more of a pain than help. For instance, I think I now have 9 tooth brushes, 40 razors, 15 bars of soap, tampons, make-up and make-up remover, etc. etc... I don't need all that stuff. People have to understand that one, our base has everything that we need. I don't mind spending a couple of bucks to buy some shampoo. Also, we do not have the space to keep it, so we will probably throw a lot of it away. I understand the makeup products were probably not meant for me, but we are in a combat zone, women don't wear makeup out here. Not only is it unnecessary for them to do so and they are not allowed to, the makeup messes up their skin really bad because of the dirty environment. I work in a hut. And yes it is an actual hut called a "SWA hut." I don't know what SWA means, but that is what they are called. It is pretty much like a storage thing you would see in someone's backyard but a little bigger. It has plywood walls, a plywood floor, and an aluminum roof. We do not have the room to keep stuff we most likely do not need. Back in my can where I live, I only have one shelf that is about 1 foot by 1 foot to keep stuff, so I have no room there either. I do appreciate people going out of their way to give me stuff, but I just can't use it. I know one might think that I can give it away. Well, I could, but everyone here gets care packages, so no one wants to take the stuff. Others might think I could take it with me when I go outside the wire to give it to local Iraqis. They definitely could use the stuff, but we are trying to limit how much the Iraqi people rely on us. Usually now when we go outside the wire, if we have stuff to give out, we will give it to the Iraqi Police or Iraqi Army first so they can hand it out, just so the Iraqi people get used to receiving goods from their own people.
Plus the trash becomes an issue as well. We burn everything we throw away. Everything. So if we don't use it we burn it. Now I haven't burned any items from care packages yet, but I have burned a lot of boxes. I think a few days ago I must have burned somewhere in the neighborhood of 20 boxes and it takes a while to burn boxes in an oil drum. The packaging is half the pain of receiving care packages. Some people like to cover the boxes with more tape then there is cardboard. Which is completely unnecessary. It just makes it really hard to open. When we receive the mail here it is almost in perfect condition. Just because we are in a "combat zone" it doesn't mean that the USPS that ships it over here likes to jump on the boxes and smash whatever it is inside. Other people have used packing peanuts which drives me crazy for a few reasons. One, I work in a plywood shack. So when I open the box the peanuts go everywhere. So then I have to clean it all up. Then I have to burn the packing peanuts which stinks. Two, most items, if not all, are not breakable and do not need package peanuts to protect them. And third, because I technically am in a combat zone (minus the combat part though) I don't need items that can break. So if someone wants to send me something that is breakable think twice about it because it probably won't last out here.
Enough about my ranting on care packages. In a nut shell, I don't need them. Sending me a box of stuff isn't the only way that I know people are thinking about me. There are other ways people can show they care. Email is good. I throw away all the letters I receive so emails are better. I don't have room to keep letters. Just a simple email asking how it is going is good enough. Another great thing people can do is pay attention to what is going on here. I was watching the Daily Show last night and Jon Stewart was talking to a journalist that just got back from Iraq . Stewart was amazed how well it seemed like things were going according to the journalist. He asked the writer how come most people don't realize what is going on here. The journalist said that last week, Iraq only made up 4% of the news. That means for every 100 stories that people hear about on the tv or radio, only 4 of them are about Iraq . I am sure that those 4 were probably about some bombing that happened in Baghdad. The problem is that the bombings that are still happening are a very small percentage of what is really going here. So if people want to actually care about the soldiers and Marines that are here, then they can go out of their way to find out. The news is doing a horrible job of telling the real story here and I understand that. So many good things have happened here in the last 6 months, but most people probably still think that bullets are firing down range and people are getting slaughtered like they were in the beginning of the war. That is just not true. Our base for instance, which is only 8 miles from Fallujah and 35 miles from Baghdad has not seen any hostile activity (meaning we have been attacked) in a year. Yes a year. Last April was the last time we took incoming. Things are safe. In fact I feel more comfortable out on the streets in Iraq than I do in San Diego. The Iraqis are making a better country for themselves and we are helping them. Now, the government can be just as shady as the news when it comes to what is actually going on. However, if people really care about us here, then they can go to www.usmc.mil, http://www.mcnews.info/mcnewsinfo/marines/gouge/, and http://www.dvidshub.net/. These are Marine Corps news sites. Plus AFN and Pentagon Channel has some good news coverage as well. Now many people might think that they don't want to trust the military propaganda machine, which I understand because I am probably more liberal than a lot of my friends back home, but I work hand in hand with the public affairs guys (the guys that are journalists for the military). So if you are read a story from the area that I work in, most likely I was right next to then taking photographs or video.
People need to understand the situation right now in Iraq. Yes it is messed up. But not in a way where people are running around with AKs and suicide vests blowing up every American they see. It's messed up because these people do not have the resources right now for a stable and effective government. An example. The journalist that was on the Daily Show told of a story that he had done, which probably no one read. It was about a way the Army wanted to help out with the trash problem in Baghdad. They went around and put out bright yellow dumpsters everywhere for people to use. It worked. People threw their trash into them. However, the next day, the goat herders came around, dumped out all the trash onto the streets so the goats could eat it. Then they left it there. The trash went into the sewer system, which was not capable to hold, so the pipes broke and dumped raw sewage into the streets. Whose fault was this? Was it the Army's for trying to have a way for the Iraqis to clean up their trash? Hardly. Was it the people's for actually using the dumpsters? Of course not. What about the goat herders, where their only income comes from the goats who were hungry and needed food? No, not them. Then what about the civil engineers? Was is their fault for not building a strong enough sewer system that could also hold trash as well as sewage? Not theirs either. So whose fault was it? It was nobody's fault. But now it is a problem that needs to be fixed. These are the kinds of issues that are happening over here and that the military is trying to address.
I am sorry about my long ranting email. But it frustrates me every time I get an email from someone or talk to someone and they act like I had just participated in the Battle of Fallujah or the landing at Iwo Jima. The best thing someone could do to help with my morale here is pay attention. Don't go out of your way and send me a care package so I can add another toothbrush to the 15 that I have. Check out the sites in this email. The DVIDs Hub is really good as well as the Pentagon Channel. There are 1000's of stories there for people to read and to find out exactly what is happening. Also, if you don't want to trust the military as a news source, guess what. Where do you think the news gets their news from? The DVIDs Hub is a military news feed. Pretty much what the military journalist do is send back via satellite every story that they write or videotape about. It is sent back to CNN in Atlanta . Yes CNN. Fox doesn't support the military nearly as much as CNN does, because they are the ones that we work directly with. Then from Atlanta , everyone gets their news. Now sometimes when you are watching a news release about Iraq, it looks as if that news company shot it. Well, maybe they did. Most likely they didn't. The military doesn't send back stories that are completely edited. What they do is send back all the b-roll, along with the complete interviews they shot, and maybe a little about what actually happened. Then when a news agency picks it up at Atlanta they edit their own story together and make it look as if they shot it.
Okay I think I am done with my long rant now. Pretty much all I am asking for is to pay attention with what is going on. And yes, that means you will have to get your news sources from some where else then one of the 24 hours "news" networks.
Cpl. Jason W. Fudge
1st MLG Combat Camera
[In between missions, Jason maintains a blog called Grassroots Activism in a Global Economy, which you should definitely check out. You should also check out his Flickr site, because he's an amazing photographer.]
September 29, 2008
30% of your food will become courtney love
I have a bad habit of buying more food than I need when I go to the store. It's not a big deal when it comes to canned food and things like that, but when I buy more fresh food than I need, most of it ends up going bad before I have a chance to eat it. A group in Brazil has created fliers concerning this issue, which they've passed out to shoppers entering supermarkets. Apparently it's been pretty effective; I know I've changed my shopping habits after seeing these flyers.
You can click on the picture for the full size version.
You can click on the picture for the full size version.
September 28, 2008
animator vs. animation
This is how we did it in 1953*:
And this is how we did it in 2006*:
A vs. A
*Of course, by saying we, I naturally mean they, obviously, as they were a part of, and I was not, something that they did, and I did not do, for I was not a part of the team (which, if I were, would be we) which carried out these respective projects, which were done by them and not me, making it they, and not we.
And this is how we did it in 2006*:
A vs. A
*Of course, by saying we, I naturally mean they, obviously, as they were a part of, and I was not, something that they did, and I did not do, for I was not a part of the team (which, if I were, would be we) which carried out these respective projects, which were done by them and not me, making it they, and not we.
September 27, 2008
the end of an era
Well, my little study is over. Steve the Chef finally learned my real name. It went down like this:
him: "Hey, how you doing Charlie?"
me: "Pretty good, how are you?"
him: "Hey great, thanks." [looks at my nametag] "Oh, Caleb! Why did I call you Charlie?"
me: "Haha, you did?"
him: "Initially, yeah."
me: "Heh, I must've not been listening."
When I was a little guy, my great grandfather used to call me Charlie sometimes (don't ask). Consequently, it didn't strike me as odd the first few times Steve called me that, and by the time I realized that he's not my great grandfather and probably isn't using Charlie as a nickname, it was too late to correct him. So I elected to let him keep it up, for the sake of science. Unfortunately, there was nothing actually scientific about my observations, as I recorded no frequencies, kept track of no dates and times, and basically observed no components of the scientific method. Woops!
him: "Hey, how you doing Charlie?"
me: "Pretty good, how are you?"
him: "Hey great, thanks." [looks at my nametag] "Oh, Caleb! Why did I call you Charlie?"
me: "Haha, you did?"
him: "Initially, yeah."
me: "Heh, I must've not been listening."
When I was a little guy, my great grandfather used to call me Charlie sometimes (don't ask). Consequently, it didn't strike me as odd the first few times Steve called me that, and by the time I realized that he's not my great grandfather and probably isn't using Charlie as a nickname, it was too late to correct him. So I elected to let him keep it up, for the sake of science. Unfortunately, there was nothing actually scientific about my observations, as I recorded no frequencies, kept track of no dates and times, and basically observed no components of the scientific method. Woops!
September 8, 2008
i lol'd. irl.
Authorities: Burglar wakes men with spice rub
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080908/ap_on_fe_st/odd_sausage_attack
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080908/ap_on_fe_st/odd_sausage_attack
FRESNO, Calif. - Authorities say they've arrested a man who broke into the home of two California farmworkers, stole money, rubbed one with spices and whacked the other with a sausage before fleeing...(more)That's the most amazing thing I've read in at least a week.
September 6, 2008
i did it because it was itchy
You know how when you give blood, they wrap that sticky bandage around your arm and tell you to keep it on for four hours? Well, today I found out why they want you to keep it on so long. If you only wait three hours instead of four, you might be greeted upon its removal by a spurt of blood from your vein that may or may not get all over your shirt and make you look like a sloppy heroin addict. It is most unfortunate that I learned this information through direct experience, instead of just reading about it in a blog like you did.
August 15, 2008
by the way, which one's pink?
I work in a retirement community, and I've been called many wrong names over the two years I've been here. Evidently I am interchangeable with any other male employee who has dark hair and was born between 1975 and 1990. First I was Diego. Then Lazar. Then Chuck. I'm even Danny on ocassion, even though the real Danny is 6'5" and blond.
The problem is even worse on the phone, presumably because people don't have a face to go with my voice, and many seniors have poor hearing. I've been Kevin, Trevor, Kenneth, Calvin, Gabe, and about five or six others that I can't remember now (I used to keep a running list next to the phone). It was not uncommon to have a conversation like this three or more times in a day:
"Transportation, this is Caleb."
"Kevin?"
"No, Caleb."
"That's what I said. Kevin."
"No, not Kevin. This is Caleb."
"Oh! Hi Kenneth!"
"Transportation, this is Caleb."
"Kevin?"
"No, Caleb."
"That's what I said. Kevin."
"No, not Kevin. This is Caleb."
"Oh! Hi Kenneth!"
July 9, 2008
QE for the SG
At least he tried to put a positive spin on it. In other news, I laugh too much in internet conversation.
July 8, 2008
"well open up the stick with your wife barrel"
I had Chinese food last night, and I got this fortune in my cookie. I think they accidentally got my fortune mixed up with someone else's.
Somewhere in Jersey, some Guido got a cookie that told him "YOU'D RATHER JUST SIT AROUND AT HOME AND READ FARK WITH NO PANTS ON".
Somewhere in Jersey, some Guido got a cookie that told him "YOU'D RATHER JUST SIT AROUND AT HOME AND READ FARK WITH NO PANTS ON".
July 7, 2008
Yello was unavailable for comment
http://www.boingboing.net/2008/07/07/ufo-turns-out-to-be.html
Honestly, that was the most amusing 30 seconds of my month.
Honestly, that was the most amusing 30 seconds of my month.
i want to be, under the sea
1) Scientists are giving Rubik's cubes to octopuses to see if they have a favorite tentacle (article).
2) I freaking love science!
3) Somewhere along the line, the English language officially abandoned 'octopi' in favor of 'octopuses', and nobody bothered to inform me of this change.
4) I hate how fickle the English language is.
5) But, scientists are giving Rubik's cubes to octopuses to see if they have a favorite tentacle!
6) That's so rad!
Above: an octopus working on a Rubik's cube puzzle.
This photo is completely unaltered, including the text.
The octopus was actually saying that when the picture was taken.
2) I freaking love science!
3) Somewhere along the line, the English language officially abandoned 'octopi' in favor of 'octopuses', and nobody bothered to inform me of this change.
4) I hate how fickle the English language is.
5) But, scientists are giving Rubik's cubes to octopuses to see if they have a favorite tentacle!
6) That's so rad!
Above: an octopus working on a Rubik's cube puzzle.
This photo is completely unaltered, including the text.
The octopus was actually saying that when the picture was taken.
July 4, 2008
as american as apple pie, ADD, and obesity
Independence Day has a long and proud history of holiday tradition: Cholesterol, explosives, heat stroke, drunk driving, cheap ass plastic hats, and historically inaccurate chain emails about our Founding Fathers.
Call me unpatriotic*, but after seeing the same email go around year after year, I'm beginning to grow a little weary of that latter tradition. So my fellow Americans, allow me to introduce you to Snopes' dismantling of an American tradition. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
And happy Fourth, of course.
*Unpatriotic (adj.): believing in liberty, freedom, truth, responsibility, and the Constitution. see also: commie; libtard; fag; and Thomas Jefferson.
Call me unpatriotic*, but after seeing the same email go around year after year, I'm beginning to grow a little weary of that latter tradition. So my fellow Americans, allow me to introduce you to Snopes' dismantling of an American tradition. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
And happy Fourth, of course.
*Unpatriotic (adj.): believing in liberty, freedom, truth, responsibility, and the Constitution. see also: commie; libtard; fag; and Thomas Jefferson.
the day i looked the fool
One time when I was a kid, I was thumbing through our family calendar and noticed something fascinating when I got to July. "Guess what, Mom," I ran into the living room, excited to tell someone, "Independence Day and the Fourth of July fall on the same day this year!"
June 26, 2008
remember, remember, the fifth of november july
For the past two decades or so, the High Five has enjoyed immense popularity among sports fans, jet pilots, mathematical nerds, and anybody who wants to celebrate that awesome thing that just happened. From the lowliest of peasants to the mightiest of kings, there's nary a person who doesn't enjoy a High Five. It is truly the great equalizer.
But it's time for High Five to take a hike.
Back in the days before High Five ruled the roost, a cat by the name of Low Five was the star of the show. Low Five was decidedly rad, offering such exciting variations as Double Five, Sides, The Bumps, Skin, and of course, The Flip Side. It was also a bit more distinguished than its High counterpart, seeming to say, "I'm celebrating with you, but I'm holding on to my dignity as well." Low Five was both a gentleman-scholar and a philosopher-king. Low Five was awesome.
But unfortunately for Low Five, it also had one glaring drawback: initiation consternation. Although it only took about a second to resolve, the confusion over who delivers that totally rad slap and who receives it caused enough of a delay to take a little bit of the zing out of the celebratory moment. This did not go unnoticed by High Five, who took full advantage of this liability, and used its everyone-initiates simplicity as a foothold to quickly rise to the top of the Five ladder, where it's remained to this day. And High Five has never looked back.
Until now.
As is often the case when something totally boss has been around for a while, High Five is now largely taken for granted, achieving the ironic status of being as unappreciated as it is popular, just like FM radio, faux hawk haircuts, and Bob Dylan. And that's terrible. But it doesn't have to be this way.
And beginning on the Fifth of July, 2008, it will be this way no longer!
A long-range plan has been put into place to restore High Five to its once-awe-inspiring role as the unbridled powerhouse of celebration it spent twenty years enjoying. Be warned, though -- this plan will be difficult for many, and will not happen overnight. In short, it requires the total abolition of High Five for a period of one year.
'Are you mad?!' you are probably shouting at your screen at this point. The answer is a qualified 'no!' This tactic worked for Superman, Batman, and Coca-Cola, and you can bet your shorts it'll work for High Five as well. Allow me to explain:
On the Fifth of July, 2008, at 5:00 pm, history will be made. High Five will be sequestered into exile for exactly one year, and Low Five will return from obscurity to reclaim the throne! During these twelve Five-riffic months, America will rekindle its dormant love affair with Low Five, knowing once again the totally bitchin' power of giving it Down Low, Turned In, and On The Flip Side, while at the same time evoking memories of a simpler and more optimistic time. Then, on the Fifth of July, 2009... High Five will return from its year of banishment to face off with Low Five and fight for its position at the top of the Five hierarchy once and for all! And, since absence makes the heart grow fonder (and this is the most important part), High Five will, upon simply returning, be afforded the respect and appreciation it deserves. It will again be among the ranks of There Will Be Blood, instead of Bob Dylan and the faux hawk.
So as difficult as it may be to not High Five for an entire year, it is really quite necessary for the very sake of High Five itself! Please support the Fifth of July campaign by attending a local Five party, or hosting one of your own. Make bracelets or t-shirts to help spread the word about the Fifth of July. And of course, if someone offers you one "Up High", politely decline and offer one "Down Low" instead, and explain why. High Five is counting on you!
Remember, the future of Five is in your hands!
'Are you mad?!' you are probably shouting at your screen at this point. The answer is a qualified 'no!' This tactic worked for Superman, Batman, and Coca-Cola, and you can bet your shorts it'll work for High Five as well. Allow me to explain:
On the Fifth of July, 2008, at 5:00 pm, history will be made. High Five will be sequestered into exile for exactly one year, and Low Five will return from obscurity to reclaim the throne! During these twelve Five-riffic months, America will rekindle its dormant love affair with Low Five, knowing once again the totally bitchin' power of giving it Down Low, Turned In, and On The Flip Side, while at the same time evoking memories of a simpler and more optimistic time. Then, on the Fifth of July, 2009... High Five will return from its year of banishment to face off with Low Five and fight for its position at the top of the Five hierarchy once and for all! And, since absence makes the heart grow fonder (and this is the most important part), High Five will, upon simply returning, be afforded the respect and appreciation it deserves. It will again be among the ranks of There Will Be Blood, instead of Bob Dylan and the faux hawk.
So as difficult as it may be to not High Five for an entire year, it is really quite necessary for the very sake of High Five itself! Please support the Fifth of July campaign by attending a local Five party, or hosting one of your own. Make bracelets or t-shirts to help spread the word about the Fifth of July. And of course, if someone offers you one "Up High", politely decline and offer one "Down Low" instead, and explain why. High Five is counting on you!
Remember, the future of Five is in your hands!
June 21, 2008
"no escaping please"
I just read an article about a gas station clerk in Michigan who got tired of people driving off without paying for their gas, and jumped into a driver-offer's car to try to stop them.
Why would someone attempt such heroics on behalf of a petrol company that doesn't even care about them? Well, it turns out she's been getting penalized for these so-called drive-offs. Worse than that, the article's Fark comments give the impression that this is not unique; punishing clerks for customer gas theft seems to be common practice at stations that don't require you to pay before filling up.
If you ask me, that's beyond ridiculous. Clerks should not be punished for corporate idiocy. Anyone who chooses to operate their gas station in this way is indescribably stupid, and deserves to have every drop of their gas pumped away without seeing one penny – and they'll get no sympathy from me when it happens. Really, what do you expect when you dispense gasoline on the honor system? Have you ever heard of a jewelry store that leaves all their jewelry sitting out in the open, trusting that nobody will take any diamonds without paying for them? Or a supermarket that'll let you open up packages of food and start chowing down in the middle of the aisle, trusting that you'll eventually bring it to the register for payment? Of course not! That's because jewelry stores and supermarkets aren't run by idiots who are so naive as to think that everyone who comes to their shop is integrous enough to pay top dollar for something that is, for all intents and purposes, being given away for free.
Hey Michigan gas stations (and anyone else who operates like this), I've got a great plan to reduce drive-offs for you: make customers pay before pumping gas, like every other fuel station in the world. As long as you fail to do this, you will continue to be ripped off with increasing frequency, as the price of gas keeps climbing. And I'll be right here, not approving of it, but simply shaking my head and asking, "well what'd ya expect, stupid?"
Why would someone attempt such heroics on behalf of a petrol company that doesn't even care about them? Well, it turns out she's been getting penalized for these so-called drive-offs. Worse than that, the article's Fark comments give the impression that this is not unique; punishing clerks for customer gas theft seems to be common practice at stations that don't require you to pay before filling up.
If you ask me, that's beyond ridiculous. Clerks should not be punished for corporate idiocy. Anyone who chooses to operate their gas station in this way is indescribably stupid, and deserves to have every drop of their gas pumped away without seeing one penny – and they'll get no sympathy from me when it happens. Really, what do you expect when you dispense gasoline on the honor system? Have you ever heard of a jewelry store that leaves all their jewelry sitting out in the open, trusting that nobody will take any diamonds without paying for them? Or a supermarket that'll let you open up packages of food and start chowing down in the middle of the aisle, trusting that you'll eventually bring it to the register for payment? Of course not! That's because jewelry stores and supermarkets aren't run by idiots who are so naive as to think that everyone who comes to their shop is integrous enough to pay top dollar for something that is, for all intents and purposes, being given away for free.
Hey Michigan gas stations (and anyone else who operates like this), I've got a great plan to reduce drive-offs for you: make customers pay before pumping gas, like every other fuel station in the world. As long as you fail to do this, you will continue to be ripped off with increasing frequency, as the price of gas keeps climbing. And I'll be right here, not approving of it, but simply shaking my head and asking, "well what'd ya expect, stupid?"
May 26, 2008
this ain't a scene classroom, it's an arms race educational nightmare
There's a local radio station here in San Diego that recognizes outstanding teachers, and likes to tout the slogan "teachers make a difference".
Well, I just read about a very outstanding teacher in Florida who's made a huge difference in the lives of her pupils that won't be soon forgotten. That being said, though, keep in mind that "outstanding" doesn't always imply "in a good way", and "making a difference" isn't always a positive thing.
Wendy Portillo, a kindergarten teacher in Port St. Lucie, Florida, had her students vote one of their classmates out of the class. As if that's not bad enough, she added a heaping dose of public humiliation to that sundae by having him stand in front of the class while his peers announced what they dislike about him, calling him "annoying" and "disgusting", among other things.
Alex Barton, the five-year-old boy who was voted off Survivor-style and forced to spend the rest of the day in the nurse's office, has a history of disciplinary problems which may be attributed in part to Asperger's syndrome, which is a developmental disorder in the same family as austism. This makes an already repugnant episode all the more alarming. Alex should indeed be removed from his class, but not because his teacher and classmates dislike him -- he should be taken out of that environment and placed in a special needs class with teachers who know how to handle kids with developmental disorders.
As someone who's worked with kids for the better part of a decade, I know what it's like to deal with problem children. I had more than my share of bad kids back in my camp counselor days, and I admit, I sometimes got to the end of my rope and used some questionable discipline tactics. I really can relate to this teacher in that sense. However, I was a teenaged schmuck back then, and now that I'm an adult I know that there are better ways to handle the situation. Portillo is also an adult, yet she hasn't seemed to figure that out yet.
Disability or not, end of the rope or not, there's really no excuse for what Ms. Portillo did. The Barton family has removed Alex from the school, and he's so traumatized by the incident that he screams every time he goes with his parents to drop his brother off there, which may seem a bit over-the-top unless you've known anyone with an austism spectrum disorder.
In my opinion, Ms. Portillo has clearly demonstrated that she is grossly unqualified to teach children, and should thusly and urgently be relieved of her job. I also think she should start looking into other lines of work, because no school with any sensibility will want to hire a teacher who was fired for borderline emotional abuse.
The school district is investigating the affair, but if you want to voice your opinion on the matter, feel free to do so:
St. Lucie County School Board
District Offices
4204 Okeechobee Rd.
Fort Pierce, Fl. 34947
Phone: (772) 429-3600
Principal Marcia Cully:
cullym@stlucie.k12.fl.us
If you're tempted to send hate mail to the teacher, please don't. Expressing your concerns and feelings to the administration through appropriate channels will suffice. There's no need to get nasty. Really, you're better than that.
If you do decide to contact school officials, I guarantee they've already heard the pun about "voting Ms. Portillo out of the class" about a thousand times, but you can still say it anyway if you really want to. Heck, I just did.
Well, I just read about a very outstanding teacher in Florida who's made a huge difference in the lives of her pupils that won't be soon forgotten. That being said, though, keep in mind that "outstanding" doesn't always imply "in a good way", and "making a difference" isn't always a positive thing.
Wendy Portillo, a kindergarten teacher in Port St. Lucie, Florida, had her students vote one of their classmates out of the class. As if that's not bad enough, she added a heaping dose of public humiliation to that sundae by having him stand in front of the class while his peers announced what they dislike about him, calling him "annoying" and "disgusting", among other things.
Alex Barton, the five-year-old boy who was voted off Survivor-style and forced to spend the rest of the day in the nurse's office, has a history of disciplinary problems which may be attributed in part to Asperger's syndrome, which is a developmental disorder in the same family as austism. This makes an already repugnant episode all the more alarming. Alex should indeed be removed from his class, but not because his teacher and classmates dislike him -- he should be taken out of that environment and placed in a special needs class with teachers who know how to handle kids with developmental disorders.
As someone who's worked with kids for the better part of a decade, I know what it's like to deal with problem children. I had more than my share of bad kids back in my camp counselor days, and I admit, I sometimes got to the end of my rope and used some questionable discipline tactics. I really can relate to this teacher in that sense. However, I was a teenaged schmuck back then, and now that I'm an adult I know that there are better ways to handle the situation. Portillo is also an adult, yet she hasn't seemed to figure that out yet.
Disability or not, end of the rope or not, there's really no excuse for what Ms. Portillo did. The Barton family has removed Alex from the school, and he's so traumatized by the incident that he screams every time he goes with his parents to drop his brother off there, which may seem a bit over-the-top unless you've known anyone with an austism spectrum disorder.
In my opinion, Ms. Portillo has clearly demonstrated that she is grossly unqualified to teach children, and should thusly and urgently be relieved of her job. I also think she should start looking into other lines of work, because no school with any sensibility will want to hire a teacher who was fired for borderline emotional abuse.
The school district is investigating the affair, but if you want to voice your opinion on the matter, feel free to do so:
St. Lucie County School Board
District Offices
4204 Okeechobee Rd.
Fort Pierce, Fl. 34947
Phone: (772) 429-3600
Principal Marcia Cully:
cullym@stlucie.k12.fl.us
If you're tempted to send hate mail to the teacher, please don't. Expressing your concerns and feelings to the administration through appropriate channels will suffice. There's no need to get nasty. Really, you're better than that.
If you do decide to contact school officials, I guarantee they've already heard the pun about "voting Ms. Portillo out of the class" about a thousand times, but you can still say it anyway if you really want to. Heck, I just did.
May 16, 2008
our constant concern
Here in the United States, there is no shortage of serious issues facing us today. The price of gas is rising faster than Fred Mertz's waistline, the dollar is plummeting lower than Britney Spears' sex appeal, and let's not forget that pesky little problem in the Middle East. And now, as if that's not enough, our cows are being abducted at record rates.
Seriously, aliens: wtf?
Seriously, aliens: wtf?
May 10, 2008
how not to celebrate winning a WoW tournament
You have to read this.
Because people often have an irrational aversion to clicking on links without knowing what's on the other end*, I'll give you the TV Guide version to get you excited:
13-year-old boys obtain credit card, binge on Oreos and Dr Pepper, and hire hookers to play Xbox 360 with them.
Oh yeah, and they tell the hookers that they're traveling circus midgets, so as to not arouse suspicion.
Bonus: The article contains a stock photo of high heeled snakeskin boots, the international symbol for Texas hookers.
* Case in point: Almost every time I send someone a hyperlink on aim, the response is "what's this?" My response is typically, "Click on it and find out, you jackass."
Because people often have an irrational aversion to clicking on links without knowing what's on the other end*, I'll give you the TV Guide version to get you excited:
13-year-old boys obtain credit card, binge on Oreos and Dr Pepper, and hire hookers to play Xbox 360 with them.
Oh yeah, and they tell the hookers that they're traveling circus midgets, so as to not arouse suspicion.
Bonus: The article contains a stock photo of high heeled snakeskin boots, the international symbol for Texas hookers.
* Case in point: Almost every time I send someone a hyperlink on aim, the response is "what's this?" My response is typically, "Click on it and find out, you jackass."
May 3, 2008
"searing gas pain land?"
There's a lot of talk about gas prices lately, and it seems everyone's got an opinion on the best way to manage the situation. The topic came up at a family dinner last night.
My aunt and uncle support the plan endorsed by John McCain and Hillary Clinton to temporarily remove the federal tax on gasoline for the summer, which sounds great on paper, but wouldn't really do anything to help American consumers.
My grandpa is in favor of increased domestic production, which means expanded offshore drilling, and possibly poking into Alaska. This is, of course, a touchy area. More offshore drilling may indeed help lower prices, but will it be worth the cost? Maybe. I have no idea how much it costs to build those big drills under the sea and pipe it to the mainland, so I can't really comment on whether or not it's a viable option.* As far as Alaska goes, let's just say there's a good reason it's gone largely untapped for three decades, despite the best efforts of the drilling interests.
My brother opposes increased domestic production on the grounds that oil companies will find a way to screw us all no matter what, so we may as well not waste taxpayer money on new drilling facilities and pipelines. Instead, he wants a federal cap on the price of gas at the pump. This sounds pretty good, especially if you believe that prices are artificially high (which I do, but not to the extent that Matt does), but there are always problems when the government starts interfering in private enterprise. Not only does it run counter to the ideals upon which our economy, and indeed our government, are based, but this kind of protectionism can actually bring about terrible consequences, which is no good.
The fact is, gas prices are high because demand is high. Yeah, oil executives are swimming around in giant money bins like Scrooge McDuck these days, which is an indication that they are indeed giant assholes who don't mind ruining the economy and forcing me to work two jobs and still have to downsize to a smaller apartment, so they can light their Cubans with hundred dollar bills while drinking their highballs and sleeping with Playboy models down at Hef's place... but... where was I going with this? Oh yeah; they're charging a lot more than they need to for gas, but that only accounts for part of the high price. The fact is, there's a civil war going on in Iraq that's brought instability to the OPEC region; there's an industrial revolution taking place in China and India, which has dramatically increased demand for oil; and China has introduced a ridiculously inexpensive car within the past year, which means literally millions of folks in the region who have historically been unable to buy cars, now have cars. All of these factors are likely influencing the price of oil far more than executive greed is.
If we really want to bring the price of gas down, we need to bring the demand down. Way down. This means adopting more sensible driving habits, traveling less, conserving electricity at home and in industry (yeah, how do you think power plants generate their power?), and if you're financially able to do so, getting more efficient automobiles. And of course it goes without saying, carpool and use mass transit if those are available to you.
There are also some policy choices our elected representatives can take, such as standardizing gasoline formulas, investing more in alternative energy, subsidizing mass transit to make it more accessible**, and, dare I say it, raising taxes on gasoline.
So there you have it -- Caleb's answer to America's energy woes. Now if only I were a member of the Senate, I could propose a bill that would see the floor for six minutes before being shot down by special interest puppets :-P
* The topic of offshore drilling is more complex than meets the eye. Of course we have to consider the cost of infrastructure and all that good stuff, but we also need to consider the benefits of more American jobs created, localized shipping (which creates a smaller carbon footprint, as well as reduces oil demand, which goes hand-in-hand with the whole point of the project anyway), and the impact on the local economy.
** For all I know, mass transit such as Amtrak is already subsidized, and I'm just not aware of it. If that's the case, it needs to be subsidized a heck of a lot more, in order to make it a more economical option for John Q. Public, who currently sees no monetary incentive for taking the train versus driving.
My aunt and uncle support the plan endorsed by John McCain and Hillary Clinton to temporarily remove the federal tax on gasoline for the summer, which sounds great on paper, but wouldn't really do anything to help American consumers.
My grandpa is in favor of increased domestic production, which means expanded offshore drilling, and possibly poking into Alaska. This is, of course, a touchy area. More offshore drilling may indeed help lower prices, but will it be worth the cost? Maybe. I have no idea how much it costs to build those big drills under the sea and pipe it to the mainland, so I can't really comment on whether or not it's a viable option.* As far as Alaska goes, let's just say there's a good reason it's gone largely untapped for three decades, despite the best efforts of the drilling interests.
My brother opposes increased domestic production on the grounds that oil companies will find a way to screw us all no matter what, so we may as well not waste taxpayer money on new drilling facilities and pipelines. Instead, he wants a federal cap on the price of gas at the pump. This sounds pretty good, especially if you believe that prices are artificially high (which I do, but not to the extent that Matt does), but there are always problems when the government starts interfering in private enterprise. Not only does it run counter to the ideals upon which our economy, and indeed our government, are based, but this kind of protectionism can actually bring about terrible consequences, which is no good.
The fact is, gas prices are high because demand is high. Yeah, oil executives are swimming around in giant money bins like Scrooge McDuck these days, which is an indication that they are indeed giant assholes who don't mind ruining the economy and forcing me to work two jobs and still have to downsize to a smaller apartment, so they can light their Cubans with hundred dollar bills while drinking their highballs and sleeping with Playboy models down at Hef's place... but... where was I going with this? Oh yeah; they're charging a lot more than they need to for gas, but that only accounts for part of the high price. The fact is, there's a civil war going on in Iraq that's brought instability to the OPEC region; there's an industrial revolution taking place in China and India, which has dramatically increased demand for oil; and China has introduced a ridiculously inexpensive car within the past year, which means literally millions of folks in the region who have historically been unable to buy cars, now have cars. All of these factors are likely influencing the price of oil far more than executive greed is.
If we really want to bring the price of gas down, we need to bring the demand down. Way down. This means adopting more sensible driving habits, traveling less, conserving electricity at home and in industry (yeah, how do you think power plants generate their power?), and if you're financially able to do so, getting more efficient automobiles. And of course it goes without saying, carpool and use mass transit if those are available to you.
There are also some policy choices our elected representatives can take, such as standardizing gasoline formulas, investing more in alternative energy, subsidizing mass transit to make it more accessible**, and, dare I say it, raising taxes on gasoline.
So there you have it -- Caleb's answer to America's energy woes. Now if only I were a member of the Senate, I could propose a bill that would see the floor for six minutes before being shot down by special interest puppets :-P
* The topic of offshore drilling is more complex than meets the eye. Of course we have to consider the cost of infrastructure and all that good stuff, but we also need to consider the benefits of more American jobs created, localized shipping (which creates a smaller carbon footprint, as well as reduces oil demand, which goes hand-in-hand with the whole point of the project anyway), and the impact on the local economy.
** For all I know, mass transit such as Amtrak is already subsidized, and I'm just not aware of it. If that's the case, it needs to be subsidized a heck of a lot more, in order to make it a more economical option for John Q. Public, who currently sees no monetary incentive for taking the train versus driving.
April 16, 2008
there's always room for hip-hop!
I just read an AP report that Bill Cosby is releasing a hip-hop album. That's fantastic.I'd make a joke about Bill Cosby rapping about Jell-O Pudding Pops at this point, but the article beat me to the punch. Lame.
Anyway, I look forward to listening to this album. Apparently Cosby is taking it old school: "[H]e’s always been involved in music and he was there for the first generation of spoken word. ... He has always understood rap’s potential, but he was appalled by the foul language and the misogyny — the way people used a medium that could be used to elevate people, to open their eyes and provoke thought,” says producer Bill "Spaceman" Patterson, in this quote which I shamelessly lifted straight from the AP story.
Oh yeah, Bill Cosby won't actually be doing any of the rapping/singing/whatever you call the vocals in hip-hop music. He's commissioning actual hip-hop artists for that part. I was a little disappointed to learn that part, but it's probably much, much better off this way.
March 10, 2008
if that's winning, i'll gladly lose
I got this chain e-mail today. It infuriated me so much that I nearly tore the sender a new e-hole via 'Reply All', but my senses prevailed and I decided to dissect it for public scrutiny instead. So here we go:
Subject: Unfortunately, this says it all!!!
Everyone has a different opinion on the war, and our current President. But, this article makes a lot of sense, and I hope you will read it and give it some thought:
What a difference 60 years makes..!!!
'You aint gonna like losing.' Author unknown.
President Bush did make a bad mistake in the war on terrorism. But the mistake was not necessarily his decision to go to war in Iraq .
Bush's mistake came in his belief that this country is the same one his father fought for in WWII. It is not.
Back then, they had just come out of a vicious depression. The country was steeled by the hardship of that depression, but they still believed fervently in this country. They knew that the people had elected their leaders, so it was the people's duty to back those leaders.
Hold on a minute here. It's our duty to back our leaders? Funny, I could've sworn our Declaration of Independence states:
Let's continue...
Therefore, when the war broke out the people came together, rallied behind, and stuck with their leaders, whether they had voted for them or not or whether the war was going badly or not.
And war was just as distasteful and the anguish just as great then as it is today. Often there were more casualties in one day in WWII than we have had in the entire Iraq war. But that did not matter. The people stuck with the President because it was their patriotic duty. Americans put aside their differences in WWII and worked together to win that war.
Once again, 'sticking with the President' is not anybody's "patriotic duty". By now, you can probably see the horrible road this essay heading down...
Everyone from every strata of society, from young to old pitched in. Small children pulled little wagons around to gather scrap metal for the war effort. Grade school students saved their pennies to buy stamps for war bonds to help the effort.
Men who were too old or medically 4F lied about their age or condition trying their best to join the military. Women doubled their work to keep things going at home. Harsh rationing of everything from gasoline to soap, to butter was imposed, yet there was very little complaining.
Comparing the current war to WWII is like comparing apples and unicycles. The reason WWII had such great citizen mobilization is that it was a war that most people agreed was right, just, and necessary for the survival of a free world. The current war, on the other hand, is almost universally understood to be wrong, unjust, and certainly not necessary for the survival of anything other than war profiteers. Germany and Japan were real hostile forces who were directly attacking us and our allies; Iraq was not directly hostile, never attacked, nor had any plans to attack us or our allies, and has been known for years to have nothing to do with the terrorist networks we were supposed to be warring against. One would have to be either stupid or insane to think Iraq and WWII are anything alike.
You never heard prominent people on the radio belittling the President. Interestingly enough in those days there were no fat cat actors and entertainers who ran off to visit and fawn over dictators of hostile countries and complain to them about our President. Instead, they made upbeat films and entertained our troops to help the troops' morale. And a bunch even enlisted.
The media stringently censored their personalities in the mid-20th century, and dissenting voices were harassed, fired, or even blacklisted. It's also worth pointing out that George Bush isn't exactly the FDR of our time.
And imagine this: Teachers in schools actually started the day off with a Pledge of Allegiance, and with prayers for our country and our troops!
Yeah, we've made a lot of progress on that front in the past 60 years. Forced prayers and forced loyalty oaths are decidedly un-American.
Back then, no newspaper would have dared point out certain weak spots in our cities where bombs could be set off to cause the maximum damage.
Often times, bringing our weaknesses to public light is the most expedient way of getting our weaknesses fixed by those who have the power to fix them. And besides, if a newspaper reporter is able to uncover the high casualty weak spots in a city, a terrorist sure as hell already knows about them, or at least knows how to find them at least as easily as the reporter did. And even if he can't, I can pretty much guarantee he's not getting his target intel from the Sacramento Bee.
No newspaper would have dared complain about what we were doing to catch spies.
"What we're doing to catch spies" is the FOX News way of saying "illegally spying on American citizens, without congressional or judicial oversight, in flagrant violation of the National Security Act of 1947 Title V, the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act of 1978, and the Constitution of the United States of America."
A newspaper would have been laughed out of existence if it had complained that German or Japanese soldiers were being 'tortured' by being forced to wear women's underwear, or subjected to interrogation by a woman, or being scared by a dog or did not have air conditioning.
First, the author's thoughtless dismissal of these forms of torture is, well, torturous. These acts aren't the petty, frat-like gags this essay portrays them as. In the conservative, religious, patriarchal cultures of the Middle East, being forced to wear women's underwear ranks closely below being raped. There's also a huge difference between "being scared by a dog" and being threatened with the prospect of literally being eaten alive by snarling attack dogs. I'm not aware of any "enhanced interrogation techniques" involving 'not having air conditioning', but I do know that it's not uncommon to have temperatures of 120+ degrees in Iraq, and if people are being forced into a hotbox in that kind of climate, that's pretty damn disgusting.
Second, if it was revealed that we were torturing POWs during WWII, I doubt that newspapers "would have been laughed out of existence". It wasn't that long ago that Americans thought of their country as a beacon of morality in a depraved world, and torture has always been about as un-American-ly immoral as it gets.
There were a lot of things different back then. We were not subjected to a constant bombardment of pornography, perversion and promiscuity in movies or on radio. We did not have legions of crackheads, dope pushers and armed gangs roaming our streets.
Al Capone, Pretty Boy Floyd, Baby Face Nelson, John Dillinger, Lucky Luciano, Bugsy Siegel, Frank Costello... yeah there were definitely no "dope pushers and armed gangs roaming our streets" back in the good ol' days.
What does this have to do with the topic at hand, anyway? I thought we were talking about the war...
No, President Bush did not make a mistake in his handling of terrorism. He made the mistake of believing that we still had the courage and fortitude of our fathers. He believed that this was still the country that our fathers fought so dearly to preserve.
If this was still the country our fathers fought to preserve, this war would never have started, 9/11 would have never happened, and Bush sure as hell would never have made it into office. This is what happens when a great nation becomes arrogant and lazy.
It is not the same country. It is now a cross between Sodom and Gomorra and the land of Oz. We did unite for a short while after 9/11, but our attitude changed when we found out that defending our country would require some sacrifices.
No, our attitude changed when we snapped out of our collective jingoistic euphoria and began to realize that we were being manipulated and sold out by our government, and led into a war that had been planned prior to 9/11 [1, 2, 3], based on obviously falsified intelligence.
Oh, and "a cross between Sodom and Gomorra [sic] and the land of Oz"? That's cute.
We are in great danger. The terrorists are fanatic Muslims. They believe that it is okay, even their duty to kill anyone who will not convert to Islam. It has been estimated that about one third or over three hundred million Muslims are sympathetic to the terrorists cause...Hitler and Tojo combined did not have nearly that many potential recruits.
People who have no ground to stand on love to say things like "it has been estimated that about one third or over three hundred million" without actually citing any stats to back up their claims. If those estimates are legitimate, and not just pulled from thin air, I'd love to see them. Until the author can provide me with valid statistics, I'm going to dismiss this as the ramblings of a very ignorant, small-minded, and sad individual.
So...we either win it - or lose it - and you ain't gonna like losing.
America is not at war. The military is at war. America is at the mall.
Funny, that's exactly where Bush told us to go right after the twin towers fell. That makes us patriots, doesn't it?
Subject: Unfortunately, this says it all!!!
Everyone has a different opinion on the war, and our current President. But, this article makes a lot of sense, and I hope you will read it and give it some thought:
What a difference 60 years makes..!!!
'You aint gonna like losing.' Author unknown.
President Bush did make a bad mistake in the war on terrorism. But the mistake was not necessarily his decision to go to war in Iraq .
Bush's mistake came in his belief that this country is the same one his father fought for in WWII. It is not.
Back then, they had just come out of a vicious depression. The country was steeled by the hardship of that depression, but they still believed fervently in this country. They knew that the people had elected their leaders, so it was the people's duty to back those leaders.
Hold on a minute here. It's our duty to back our leaders? Funny, I could've sworn our Declaration of Independence states:
That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it...and that our Constitution spells out, in Article II, Section 4, that the citizenry has the right and responsibility to force out of office any elected leader who betrays the public trust by acting above the law or selling out the People. This is a far cry from the people having the duty to back their leaders unquestioningly, as this essay suggests. Indeed, it's exactly the opposite; since the People elect their leaders, it's the duty of the People to not back those leaders when they fail to represent the interests of the People.
Let's continue...
Therefore, when the war broke out the people came together, rallied behind, and stuck with their leaders, whether they had voted for them or not or whether the war was going badly or not.
And war was just as distasteful and the anguish just as great then as it is today. Often there were more casualties in one day in WWII than we have had in the entire Iraq war. But that did not matter. The people stuck with the President because it was their patriotic duty. Americans put aside their differences in WWII and worked together to win that war.
Once again, 'sticking with the President' is not anybody's "patriotic duty". By now, you can probably see the horrible road this essay heading down...
Everyone from every strata of society, from young to old pitched in. Small children pulled little wagons around to gather scrap metal for the war effort. Grade school students saved their pennies to buy stamps for war bonds to help the effort.
Men who were too old or medically 4F lied about their age or condition trying their best to join the military. Women doubled their work to keep things going at home. Harsh rationing of everything from gasoline to soap, to butter was imposed, yet there was very little complaining.
Comparing the current war to WWII is like comparing apples and unicycles. The reason WWII had such great citizen mobilization is that it was a war that most people agreed was right, just, and necessary for the survival of a free world. The current war, on the other hand, is almost universally understood to be wrong, unjust, and certainly not necessary for the survival of anything other than war profiteers. Germany and Japan were real hostile forces who were directly attacking us and our allies; Iraq was not directly hostile, never attacked, nor had any plans to attack us or our allies, and has been known for years to have nothing to do with the terrorist networks we were supposed to be warring against. One would have to be either stupid or insane to think Iraq and WWII are anything alike.
You never heard prominent people on the radio belittling the President. Interestingly enough in those days there were no fat cat actors and entertainers who ran off to visit and fawn over dictators of hostile countries and complain to them about our President. Instead, they made upbeat films and entertained our troops to help the troops' morale. And a bunch even enlisted.
The media stringently censored their personalities in the mid-20th century, and dissenting voices were harassed, fired, or even blacklisted. It's also worth pointing out that George Bush isn't exactly the FDR of our time.
And imagine this: Teachers in schools actually started the day off with a Pledge of Allegiance, and with prayers for our country and our troops!
Yeah, we've made a lot of progress on that front in the past 60 years. Forced prayers and forced loyalty oaths are decidedly un-American.
Back then, no newspaper would have dared point out certain weak spots in our cities where bombs could be set off to cause the maximum damage.
Often times, bringing our weaknesses to public light is the most expedient way of getting our weaknesses fixed by those who have the power to fix them. And besides, if a newspaper reporter is able to uncover the high casualty weak spots in a city, a terrorist sure as hell already knows about them, or at least knows how to find them at least as easily as the reporter did. And even if he can't, I can pretty much guarantee he's not getting his target intel from the Sacramento Bee.
No newspaper would have dared complain about what we were doing to catch spies.
"What we're doing to catch spies" is the FOX News way of saying "illegally spying on American citizens, without congressional or judicial oversight, in flagrant violation of the National Security Act of 1947 Title V, the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act of 1978, and the Constitution of the United States of America."
A newspaper would have been laughed out of existence if it had complained that German or Japanese soldiers were being 'tortured' by being forced to wear women's underwear, or subjected to interrogation by a woman, or being scared by a dog or did not have air conditioning.
First, the author's thoughtless dismissal of these forms of torture is, well, torturous. These acts aren't the petty, frat-like gags this essay portrays them as. In the conservative, religious, patriarchal cultures of the Middle East, being forced to wear women's underwear ranks closely below being raped. There's also a huge difference between "being scared by a dog" and being threatened with the prospect of literally being eaten alive by snarling attack dogs. I'm not aware of any "enhanced interrogation techniques" involving 'not having air conditioning', but I do know that it's not uncommon to have temperatures of 120+ degrees in Iraq, and if people are being forced into a hotbox in that kind of climate, that's pretty damn disgusting.
Second, if it was revealed that we were torturing POWs during WWII, I doubt that newspapers "would have been laughed out of existence". It wasn't that long ago that Americans thought of their country as a beacon of morality in a depraved world, and torture has always been about as un-American-ly immoral as it gets.
There were a lot of things different back then. We were not subjected to a constant bombardment of pornography, perversion and promiscuity in movies or on radio. We did not have legions of crackheads, dope pushers and armed gangs roaming our streets.
Al Capone, Pretty Boy Floyd, Baby Face Nelson, John Dillinger, Lucky Luciano, Bugsy Siegel, Frank Costello... yeah there were definitely no "dope pushers and armed gangs roaming our streets" back in the good ol' days.
What does this have to do with the topic at hand, anyway? I thought we were talking about the war...
No, President Bush did not make a mistake in his handling of terrorism. He made the mistake of believing that we still had the courage and fortitude of our fathers. He believed that this was still the country that our fathers fought so dearly to preserve.
If this was still the country our fathers fought to preserve, this war would never have started, 9/11 would have never happened, and Bush sure as hell would never have made it into office. This is what happens when a great nation becomes arrogant and lazy.
It is not the same country. It is now a cross between Sodom and Gomorra and the land of Oz. We did unite for a short while after 9/11, but our attitude changed when we found out that defending our country would require some sacrifices.
No, our attitude changed when we snapped out of our collective jingoistic euphoria and began to realize that we were being manipulated and sold out by our government, and led into a war that had been planned prior to 9/11 [1, 2, 3], based on obviously falsified intelligence.
Oh, and "a cross between Sodom and Gomorra [sic] and the land of Oz"? That's cute.
We are in great danger. The terrorists are fanatic Muslims. They believe that it is okay, even their duty to kill anyone who will not convert to Islam. It has been estimated that about one third or over three hundred million Muslims are sympathetic to the terrorists cause...Hitler and Tojo combined did not have nearly that many potential recruits.
People who have no ground to stand on love to say things like "it has been estimated that about one third or over three hundred million" without actually citing any stats to back up their claims. If those estimates are legitimate, and not just pulled from thin air, I'd love to see them. Until the author can provide me with valid statistics, I'm going to dismiss this as the ramblings of a very ignorant, small-minded, and sad individual.
So...we either win it - or lose it - and you ain't gonna like losing.
America is not at war. The military is at war. America is at the mall.
Funny, that's exactly where Bush told us to go right after the twin towers fell. That makes us patriots, doesn't it?
February 21, 2008
an open letter to the angry rioting serbs
Dear Angry Rioting Serbs,
I understand that you're upset about Kosovo's Declaration of Independence, but burning our embassy will not bring your territory back. If you want reunification, try appealing to the UN, NATO, and your Serbian government. No matter how upset you are, rioting and killing people will not help your cause; indeed, it will only serve to hurt it.
If you absolutely have to throw a collective tantrum, effigies are generally preferable to burning actual people. Angry rock music is helpful, too. After 9/11, I listened to Twisted Sister's We're Not Gonna Take It on perpetual loop for about three weeks, and that seemed to do the trick.
Believe me, Angry Rioting Serbs, I can sympathize with your outrage. Part of my country declared independence once, and we marched into their cities and slaughtered every man, woman, and child within striking distance. Now this was a terrible solution to the problem, but I guess it's just part of our human nature to react violently in the face of secession. I encourage you to not follow the poor example we set in our Civil War, though, and take the higher ground by doing things the right way.
I know you've got it in you, Angry Rioting Serbs. So go and show the world that you're the bigger man, and stop burning down my effing embassy, okay?
Yours truly,
Caleb Ruggiero
I understand that you're upset about Kosovo's Declaration of Independence, but burning our embassy will not bring your territory back. If you want reunification, try appealing to the UN, NATO, and your Serbian government. No matter how upset you are, rioting and killing people will not help your cause; indeed, it will only serve to hurt it.
If you absolutely have to throw a collective tantrum, effigies are generally preferable to burning actual people. Angry rock music is helpful, too. After 9/11, I listened to Twisted Sister's We're Not Gonna Take It on perpetual loop for about three weeks, and that seemed to do the trick.
Believe me, Angry Rioting Serbs, I can sympathize with your outrage. Part of my country declared independence once, and we marched into their cities and slaughtered every man, woman, and child within striking distance. Now this was a terrible solution to the problem, but I guess it's just part of our human nature to react violently in the face of secession. I encourage you to not follow the poor example we set in our Civil War, though, and take the higher ground by doing things the right way.
I know you've got it in you, Angry Rioting Serbs. So go and show the world that you're the bigger man, and stop burning down my effing embassy, okay?
Yours truly,
Caleb Ruggiero
February 17, 2008
i wool always love ewe
Swedish retail giant H&M has announced a boycott of products made from Australian wool, in response to animal cruelty complaints. What's so cruel about Australian wool, you ask? Well, there are a few things, but this boycott is focused on mulesing, which is basically the practice of cutting a sheep's ass off. Okay, okay, I'll concede that there's a little more to it than that, but it really does pretty much boil down to sheep ass removal; even John Mules would agree.
It's nice to see a mega corporation taking a stand for what's right, isn't it? Take a moment and join me in sending H&M a quick note of appreciation.
It's nice to see a mega corporation taking a stand for what's right, isn't it? Take a moment and join me in sending H&M a quick note of appreciation.
January 16, 2008
all the news, 98.88% shorter
So MacWorld was today, and nerds and geeks all around the world tuned in to their favorite streaming video purveyors to catch Steve Jobs' 90 minute keynote speech. For the benefit of those of us who would rather not sit through an hour and a half of Jobs Jabber(TM), the folks at Mahalo.com made the following video:
The Steve Jobs 90 Minute Keynote in 60 Seconds
So what will you do with the remaining 89 minutes? I've got a few suggestions for you ;-)
The Steve Jobs 90 Minute Keynote in 60 Seconds
So what will you do with the remaining 89 minutes? I've got a few suggestions for you ;-)
January 10, 2008
fast food: ads vs. reality
You ever notice how that sandwich never quite looks like the picture on the menu?
You're not alone. I stumbled upon this head-to-head comparison of 13 different fast food products' menu pictures and real-life counterparts, and things seem to be even worse than I remembered back in my fast food days. Here's a sample of the goodness that lies within:
You're not alone. I stumbled upon this head-to-head comparison of 13 different fast food products' menu pictures and real-life counterparts, and things seem to be even worse than I remembered back in my fast food days. Here's a sample of the goodness that lies within:
Barf. And there's 12 more where that came from. Quoth the author:
Each item was purchased, taken home, and photographed immediately. Nothing was tampered with, run over by a car, or anything of the sort. It is an accurate representation in every case. Shiny, neon-orange, liquefied pump-cheese, and all.Mmm, gotta love that shiney pump-cheese. Anyone else getting hungry? No? That's cool, I guess. Anyway. check out the full list, if you need inspiration for a diet or something: http://www.thewvsr.com/adsvsreality.htm
geekfitti
Every so often, the stars align and create something that delights the geek, artist, and stick-it-to-the-man-iness in me. The geekfiti movement is one of those very somethings. It also satisfies my considerateness of other people's property, because geekfitti artists tend to do their work in non-permanent mediums. So they're bad ass, but not jerks.
Check out all the goods in WebUrbanist's geekfitti gallery.
January 1, 2008
predictions for 2008
This is it! 2008 is going to be a great year; I can feel it! And even if it's only so-so, it'll seem like the year of jubilee coming after the most mediocre year I've ever seen in my life. Seriously, 2007 blew. But 2008 is going to rock. Hard.
And here's what will take place:
* I will get a new job. This job will be full time, and will pay enough that I only have to work the one job, and not two jobs. I will have time for hobbies, I will have a social life, and I'll actually have some of my paycheck left in the bank by the next payday. I've heard of that concept before; I think it's called "saving".
* Brent, of course, will contract yet another STI.
* Someone I know will get engaged. This seems like a pretty safe bet these days; it's like there's a contagion going around, and at least one or two friends get infected every year.
* I read at least one book in its entirety. This is a much more realistic prediction than last year's.
* Big energy breakthrough.
* I make a new friend or two, who turn out to be really good ones. Yeah, I predicted this last year and was wrong, but this year I'm getting a new job and a social life, remember?
* Caleb makes some music. And not the kind that comes from eating lots of beans and cabbage.
* Caleb eats lots of beans. Doubtful on the cabbage.
* Charles is a gentleman caller to a young lady. For at least 45 minutes.
* Someone fairly unlikely gets discovered and given no less than 15 minutes of fame. This is someone I know, not just some random fool like that bro who got tased.
* Absolute madness, mischief, and mayhem of the highest degree.
And here's what will take place:
* I will get a new job. This job will be full time, and will pay enough that I only have to work the one job, and not two jobs. I will have time for hobbies, I will have a social life, and I'll actually have some of my paycheck left in the bank by the next payday. I've heard of that concept before; I think it's called "saving".
* Brent, of course, will contract yet another STI.
* Someone I know will get engaged. This seems like a pretty safe bet these days; it's like there's a contagion going around, and at least one or two friends get infected every year.
* I read at least one book in its entirety. This is a much more realistic prediction than last year's.
* Big energy breakthrough.
* I make a new friend or two, who turn out to be really good ones. Yeah, I predicted this last year and was wrong, but this year I'm getting a new job and a social life, remember?
* Caleb makes some music. And not the kind that comes from eating lots of beans and cabbage.
* Caleb eats lots of beans. Doubtful on the cabbage.
* Charles is a gentleman caller to a young lady. For at least 45 minutes.
* Someone fairly unlikely gets discovered and given no less than 15 minutes of fame. This is someone I know, not just some random fool like that bro who got tased.
* Absolute madness, mischief, and mayhem of the highest degree.
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