Alright, I'm at a New Years Party, and I'm getting a lot of crap for nerding out on the blogosphere instead of playing Apples to Apples, so I'm gonna make this quick and dirty.
The following things will take place in the year 2009:
* I actually do get that darn job this time. I'm very effing due.
* Some schmuck will try to kill President Obama. He will not be successful.
* Brent, naturally, will contract a baker's dozen STIs. He's very effing due.
* Caleb gets a swinging bachelor pad, a new chair, and an embarrassing rash.
* Someone I know will get in an auto accident.
* Charles really will be the gentleman caller to a female acquaintance for at least 45 minutes. He's very effing due.
* At least three massive political scandals. Not just little Larry Craig style, either. I'm talking Duke Cunningham and Rod Blagojevich calibre scandals that make Jay Leno not even have to try anymore.
* Someone extremely unlikely gets engaged. Heads explode.
* Sheer madness, the likes of which hasn't been seen since 2005. The kind of madness that'd make King George seem pretty straightforward.
a collection of musings on life, politics, culture, and humor.
Caleb gets a job as Obama's Chauffeur, but takes a day off with a mysterious rash after shaking hands with Brent the day before, and an as-yet-unknown friend covers for at work. Said friend gets into an accident because Charles is rolling around naked in the middle of the road with exactly 13 women of ill repute and the car flips off the road in a panic swerve a la Casino Royale.
ReplyDeleteJust like James Bond's $200,000 sports coupe, the President's limo apparently does not have airbags, but Obama survives this curiously "accidental" attempt on his life, but with severe damage to his face. He gets mad at his doctors for suggesting a facial prosthetic because he thought they were talking ABOUT A FUCKING MASK!!!
The fact that Obama no longer has his Sweet! looks causes political scandals and madness on a scale we can not even imagine as many have to revisit the choices they've made in the past year.
Not one to be an iconoclast, Caleb gives up on trying to find another job and becomes engaged to a sugar mama real early in the year. Needless to say, they agree not to get married for at least another 12 months, after (they both hope) things will calm down a bit, otherwise they'll move to Canada.
At no point in any of this does Caleb read a book
Thomas goes an as-yet unspecified length of time without quoting Reservoir Dogs, but no one notices.
The verification code "lumvule" reappears to someone, somewhere who is leaving a comment on a "Blogger" entry
I feel sad. No where in your predictions is my name mentioned. :(
ReplyDeleteplease note, eerily, that at least four of these are true...
ReplyDelete