breast cancer sympathizer seeks used car

There are a lot of organizations trying to cure cancer. Apparently there's at least one trying to promote it.



I think cancer is doing just fine without my donations, thank you very much.

idiom fail

I found this gem in the trash at the retirement community where I work. It was too good to not take home and scan.

(You can click to enlarge if it's too small for your decrepit eyes)



Don't feel bad about laughing at this; the person doesn't have Alzheimer's or anything, he's just lousy at puzzles.

cause or effect?

Last night I dreamed I was in a public restroom, and even though I had just used the urinal, I started utilizing toilet paper. A lot of it. An inordinate amount, in fact. It struck me as weird even in the dream that I was doing so much wiping. I then woke up to find I had a massive wedgie.

predictions for 2010

As I look forward into the future, I can't help but think the coming year will be a whole lot better than the three preceding it. As you may recall, 2007 was super lame, and 2008 was just as crummy, if not worse. Hope was in the cards for 2009, but the dealer fell asleep or something because those cards never made it to the table. This year, though, will be different. I can feel it in my guts, and it's not a naïve kind of wishful feeling like I had with 2009; this time, it's going to be good. Really good. Possibly even-better-than-2006 good.

And while these predictions aren't necessarily related to how good the year will be, they will be a part of it in one way or another. Thus, it is my duty and pleasure to present to you...

THINGS THAT WILL HAPPEN IN 2010:

* Brent surprises everyone with big news concerning his vocation and/or a dame.

* Brent surprises absolutely no one with yet another round of STIs, this time including one or more that baffles the entire field of medicine.

* No fewer than four engagements, at least two of which make people's heads explode in cognitive dissonance.

* I will utterly destroy at least one shirt and one pair of pants somehow. Questionable jokes naturally follow.

* Expensive maintenance on my car :-(

* Something I create gets published, but I don't benefit much from it.

* I am a member of a band for at least two days. Awkward coughing into a microphone almost certain.

* Someone I know dies, gets injured, or gets very sick. I hope I'm wrong about this one.

* Huge financial news that affects pretty much everyone. Better be something good.

* A major natural disaster shocks the world -- even cynical jerks like me. Obama will be criticized for it, regardless of where it takes place.

* A professional athlete faces a violent death, and Mitt Romney makes national headlines. These two are in no way related, but I'm putting them in the same prediction just to spice things up a little.

* Polka polka polka!

* The out-of-control cab ride to hell that has been ladies' fashion this decade hits an all-time low, and even Dov Charney must admit things are getting way too fugly for anyone's good.

* The Love Boat becomes relevant again, and nobody is better off for it.

* Only a moderate amount of madness, but a very liberal heaping of antics.

2009 predictions revisited

Well ladies and germs, it's that special time of year again. I know, I know, I can hardly believe it either -- 58 years since the Marshall Plan expired! Can you believe it? Coincidentally, it's also the last day of 2009, which means it's time for me to revisit those predictions I made exactly a year ago. So in the immortal words of Castor Troy, "Let's go, let's go, I'm bored, let's go," I will review my predictions with no further ado:

The following things will take place in the year 2009:

* I actually do get that darn job this time. I'm very effing due.
Yes, although very different than what I had in mind. I actually ended up going back to school to get my Master of Divinity at Bethel Seminary, and just got hired to work in the library there. That, combined with my financial aid [aka the first debt I've ever had... not sure how I feel about that] and a couple of days a week at my old job at The Remington Club gives me enough money to survive on my own.

* Some schmuck will try to kill President Obama. He will not be successful.
I'm sure there were multiple attempts, but the two that stand out to me are the incredibly ill-conceived plot by white supremacists to shoot Obama during his inauguration speech, and the guy who mailed him an envelope of HIV-infected blood (and included his return address and a photo of himself, no less).

* Brent, naturally, will contract a baker's dozen STIs. He's very effing due.
Once again, like shooting fish in a barrel. He got so many this year, I even wrote a song about it.

* Caleb gets a swinging bachelor pad, a new chair, and an embarrassing rash.
I wish I could say I only got two out of the three, but alas, I'm batting 1.0 thus far.

* Someone I know will get in an auto accident.
My best friend Stacey got in a multi-car pileup earlier this year, rendering her car totally, um, totalled. Then, just a few nights ago, we were driving in her new car and got rear ended in a parking lot! Luckily the second one was just a scratch.

* Charles really will be the gentleman caller to a female acquaintance for at least 45 minutes. He's very effing due.
Not to my knowledge, but he did get a Lord of the Dance t-shirt.

* At least three massive political scandals. Not just little Larry Craig style, either. I'm talking Duke Cunningham and Rod Blagojevich calibre scandals that make Jay Leno not even have to try anymore.
Boy, if I just omitted the word "political" from that one, I'd have been right on with David Letterman and Tiger Woods. But rules is rules, and I said political scandals, which were surprisingly tame this year. We had Sen. John Ensign (R-NV) sleeping with his treasurer and Gov. Mark Sanford (SC) hastily skipping town without warning to hike the Appalachian Trail nail his Argentine adulteress. Both men declined to resign, despite the ridiculousness of their corruption, especially on the part of Sanford (who violated 37 ethics laws). We also saw [now former] CA Assemblyman Michael Duvall bragging to his friend about his multiple affairs with lobbyists over a hot mic on live TV. Woops! This was particularly outrageous because this clown has a long history of denying rights in the name of "family values"... but I guess adultery is more morally upright than same-sex marriage, eh Mike?

* Someone extremely unlikely gets engaged. Heads explode.
Brent (of multiple STI fame)'s sister Erica got engaged and subsequently married within the same week. Another Erika just announced her engagement to another guy named Brent (apparently going for the confusion factor), and my buddy Andy got engaged to his ladyfriend Courtney not long ago as well. I'm also told that my friend Washburn from high school got engaged within the past month or so, too. And then there's the engagement of former youth ministry student Peter to former youth ministry leader Meg (don't worry, it only sounds sketchy) And, according to some rumors I've heard, I may or may not have gotten engaged this year, as well. Funny how I'm always the last one to hear about the major events in my life.

* Sheer madness, the likes of which hasn't been seen since 2005. The kind of madness that'd make King George seem pretty straightforward.
I don't know if there was actually grand-scale madness of this sort, but there was definitely a high amount of small-scale madness, so that may average out about the same.

There we have it. Seven accurate predictions and two not-quite-there ones. Not too bad, I think. Hopefully I'll do even better in 2010.

Happy new year!
-cbr

a lesson from history's knucklebrains

I read this passage in my Systematic Theology textbook just now, and was reminded of some of the popular responses in the American Church to the election of our two most recent Presidents. The last one caused a lot of us to have to eat our hats. The current one, well, it's far too early to tell how history will remember him. But we can be pretty certain that the nigh-deification we've been seeing is at best misguided, and at worst idolatry.

We need to be careful as to what we identify as God's providence. The most notable instance of a too ready identification of historical events with God's will is probably the "German Christians" who in 1934 endorsed the action of Adolf Hitler as God's working in history. The words of their statement are sobering to us who now read them: "We are full of thanks to God that He, as Lord of history, has given us Adolf Hitler our leader and savior from our difficult lot. We acknowledge that we, with body and soul, are bound and dedicated to the German state and to its Führer. This bondage and duty contains for us, as evangelical Christians, its deepest and most holy significance in its obedience to the command of God."¹ A statement a year earlier had said, "To this turn of history [i.e., Hitler's taking power] we say a thankful Yes. God has given him to us. To Him be the glory. As bound to God's Word, we recognize in the great events of our day a new commission of God to His church."² From our perspective, the folly of such statements seems obvious. But are we perhaps making some pronouncements today that will be seen as similarly mistaken by those who come a few decades after us?

-Excerpted from Millard J. Erickson, Christian Theology (2nd edition) (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 1998)

Now I'm not in any way comparing the President to Hitler. I'm not comparing the last one to him, either. I'm simply pointing out that, with both of them, a lot of evangelical Christians acted as though they were the anointed ones of God, when in fact they're just men. The religious zeal of the German Christians for Hitler is but an extreme example of the folly inherent in such conclusions. Let us act more wisely going forward.

¹ Quoted from Berkouwer, Providence of God, pp. 176-77.
² Quoted from Karl Barth, Theologische Existenz Huete (Munich: C. Kaiser, 1934), p. 10.

a letter to the library, written in the library

Dear San Diego Public Library Head Honcho,

I'm writing today with a concern about the evolving library culture in San Diego. I remember a time, not so long ago (really not that long ago; I'm not even 30), when libraries were quiet places where we spoke in hushed tones and were careful not to disturb patrons who were there to read or study. I've noticed a change over the past few years, though. People now speak at conversational volume. What's worse is that it's primarily library staff members doing this! These are the people who are supposed to shush us, with scowls on their faces, when we speak above a whisper; now the roles are reversed, and I'm scowling at them as they're breaking my concentration while I'm trying to study.

I can't speak to all of the branches in San Diego, but I can attest that this is common at the Rancho Bernardo and Carmel Mountain Ranch locations. I always hoped I wouldn't turn into that guy who writes letters to complain about the times a-changin' until at least my 60th birthday (coinciding with my debut as the old man who yells at kids to stay off his lawn, by the way), but I figured it'd be better to address this earlier rather than later, as I'll hopefully be done with grad school by then and it won't be as big a deal for me.

Thanks so much for your time, and for providing an outstanding (albeit sometimes noisy) public library system. Keep up the great work.

-Caleb Ruggiero