now hiring!

Job title: Dennys Late Nite Music Selector

Key Responsibilities: Scouring the bottom of the pop culture barrel for the most insufferable "music" imaginable with which to punish late night clientele. Excessive auto tuning and inexplicable lyrics encouraged.

To apply, submit a mix tape consisting of equal parts ass rock, pop-hop, poorly remixed 80s duets, and Smashmouth.

EOE. Compensation commensurate with cultural obtuseness. Ke$ha fans encouraged to apply.

i'll be watching you...

When I was little, I thought the song Every Breath You Take by The Police was about an uptight, micromanaging scientist keeping a close eye on his new chemistry apprentice. This was due entirely to my mishearing the lyric "Every vow you break" as "Every vial you break".

Sting saw this happen.

Did You Know?: It's a little know fact that The Police were originally known as Sting and the Anal Chemists back in the 60s. They changed their name when drummer Stewart Copeland was informed by Mayo Clinic proctologist Barry Whittford that considerable confusion had arisen amongst his patients as to the use of chemical agents in treating colon infirmities.

Above: an early photo of Sting.

Now You Know!

a psa from me to you

Behold, my first attempt at singing outside of a karaoke bar.



Remember, the only 100% effective protection is abstinence.

So you definitely need to check this out.

But don't take my word for it, check out the testimonials:



There you have it! Enjoy yourself.