2011 predictions revisited

Oh, hey there, February! How you doing? What's that you say? I never reviewed my 2011 predictions last month like I was supposed to? Well son of a B.

Sorry about that, guys. I guess January just bowled me over like so many soda bottles in the back warehouse of the supermarket during the annual against-all-the-official-rules Thanksgiving time turkey bowling tournament that all supermarket employees apparently do, if sitcoms and angsty family dramas are to be believed (and I assume they are). My sincerest apologies.

Well, let's get down to it. As is my usual routine, I'll go through my predictions one-by-one and see how psychic I actually am. I've fared pretty well in the past, so I've got a lot of dignity riding on these results (by which I mean I actually have nothing whatsoever riding on these results).

So here we go. Ready? OKAY!

---

* My cooking, which is good but certainly nothing gourmet, is the subject of critical acclaim.
Nope. To be honest, I wrote this prediction the day after I submitted a recipe to a contest from the back of a pizza crust package. Apparently I was over-confident in myself.

* I get, and destroy, some awesome pants. These are hopefully two separate pairs, as I'd hate to destroy awesome pants right after getting them.
Yes. I got a brand new pair of khakis in January, and by March they were wearing paint due to somebody at work failing to cordon off a work area. That incident sums up how things work at that company pretty well.

Pretty much exactly like this.

* Brent surprises absolutely everyone by not contracting any STIs this year. This is most likely due to the fact that there are simply no more STIs left for him to contract.
Yes. Somehow, Brent managed to avoid contracting a single VD in 2011. Incidentally, he also landed a ladyfriend this year. Coincidence?

* A major purchase, like a car or some durable good, is in my future. I don't have any idea how this will happen, as I don't anticipate being able to afford anything in the next year.
Sort of. I didn't make a major purchase, but I did inherit a car. Also, sort of plus one on predicting that I wouldn't be able to afford jack shiz this year.

* A new job opportunity comes my way, and it's probably something unexpected and fairly exciting. This may help to explain how the above prediction can take place.
Yes. I got a new job, finally. You can now find me making your favorite handcrafted beverages at Starbucks Coffee Company. It's a much better company than my last one, so that's nice. Also, as a side note, I'm the only male in a store of 17 women. Needless to say, even my cycles are starting to synchronize.
 

Me with my co-workers. I'm the one with the beard.

* Someone I know gets punched right in the face. RIGHT IN THE FACE!
Yes. My brother (a cop) fulfilled this prediction literally days before the year's end by getting in a pretty serious brawl with some ill-mannered street toughs. Not only did he get punched right in the face (RIGHT IN THE FACE!), but he actually got sent right to the hospital (RIGHT TO THE HOSPITAL!) with a bite wound (!) that punched right through his shirt AND his jacket (!!!) and into his flesh. The guy with the strong teeth didn't fare nearly as well, I'm told.

* There will be a huge, huge scandal that turns everything upside down. The scandal will be old, but the news will be new. It will result in plenty of lost jobs, even more lost money, and at least one or two arrests.
Yes. May I briefly remind you of the Penn State scandal, in which former coach Jerry Sandusky was found to have spent the last several years raping boys in the locker room showers, and a number of school officials, presumably more concerned about the school's football program than about the fact that people are getting raped by their football coach, covered up the abuse just like the current Pope did before he was Pope. So that makes for a perfect score (regrettably) for this prediction: The scandal was old (Sandusky is alleged to have been raping people from as early on as the 70s), but the news was new (Sandusky was indicted on 11/4/11), plenty of jobs were lost (five, by my count), even more money was lost (it was good knowing you, profitable football program), and there were at least one or two arrests (three, actually).

* White supremacists will make headlines for doing something asinine, as white supremacists are prone to do.
Yes, but it depends on how you define asinine. How about a Nazi group adopting-a-highway in Delaware? Is that asinine, or just kind of silly? I guess it's your call.
On a sort-of related note, 2011 also saw former skinhead leader Bryon Widner undergo 25 surgeries to remove a bunch of Nazi tattoos from his face so he can put his wicked past behind him. That's not something asinine, and he's not currently a white supremacist (although he used to be), but it is neat enough to justify sharing here.

* At least two people I know beget children. These two people are, naturally, people whom I do not expect to be begetting children. This may be a result of the many unexpected marriages I predicted in years past.
Yes. A whole grip of them, most of whom I will not even bother listing (because you probably don't know them anyway). I will mention, though, that I had a niece born this year, which is pretty cool.

* Something from outer space collides with the earth, or with something we put into space from the earth. The price of tin foil goes sky high.
Yes. How about this? And this one? And this one here? Man, are there any satellites left in space?

* I appear on TV for some reason. I regret the fact that my hair looks so bad the one day I happen to be in front of a camera.
No. To my knowledge, I did not appear on TV this year. Although I did have plenty of days where my hair looked like crap.

* I think something in my life is going to catch fire. I hope it's not going to be like that time the whole city of San Diego burned down.
Maybe? I feel confident that something did in fact go up in flames, although I can't recall what it could have been. For purposes of the scorecard, I'm going to have to count this as a 'No', which is a bummer.

* I don't know why, but I think something bad will happen involving Adam Sandler.
Yes.

 

* I come in contact with a celebrity, who addresses me by name.
No. I don't remember encountering any celebrities this past year, but I did get one of my tweets favorited by a Canadian humorist, if that's worth anything.

* Madness, sheer madness, insanity, and inanity. Chinatown won't even know what hit it.
Not really, but kind of. There was a decent showing of madness, moderate insanity, and low-but-steady inanity throughout the year, but probably not amounting to the levels I had in mind when I made this prediction.

This is about as insane and inane as it got. This is admittedly unimpressive. I'm getting old, you see.

And the final numbers are in. Out of 15 predictions, I was correct 9 times, incorrect 4 times, and "kinda sorta" correct twice. That leaves me with a .60 average, which is 3.3% lower than last year, which means I need to really step up my game when it comes to psychic abilities.


Now, please enjoy this picture of an anthropomorphic peanut:

predictions for 2011

(see how I fared on my predictions for 2010)

Every year when I make my predictions, I use the introductory paragraph to lament how unimpressive the preceding year was, and how much better the upcoming year will be. And every year when I review my predictions, I end up eating my words because the year turned out to be every bit as lame as the one before it. So I'm not going to do that this time. Let the record show that I expect 2011 to be a year of unadulterated mediocrity in every way. That being said, let's go ahead with the predictions.

THINGS THAT SHALL TAKE PLACE IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2011:

* My cooking, which is good but certainly nothing gourmet, is the subject of critical acclaim.

* I get, and destroy, some awesome pants. These are hopefully two separate pairs, as I'd hate to destroy awesome pants right after getting them.

* Brent surprises absolutely everyone by not contracting any STIs this year. This is most likely due to the fact that there are simply no more STIs left for him to contract.

* A major purchase, like a car or some durable good, is in my future. I don't have any idea how this will happen, as I don't anticipate being able to afford anything in the next year.

* A new job opportunity comes my way, and it's probably something unexpected and fairly exciting. This may help to explain how the above prediction can take place.

* Someone I know gets punched right in the face. RIGHT IN THE FACE!

* There will be a huge, huge scandal that turns everything upside down. The scandal will be old, but the news will be new. It will result in plenty of lost jobs, even more lost money, and at least one or two arrests.

* White supremacists will make headlines for doing something asinine, as white supremacists are prone to do.

* At least two people I know beget children. These two people are, naturally, people whom I do not expect to be begetting children. This may be a result of the many unexpected marriages I predicted in years past.

* Something from outer space collides with the earth, or with something we put into space from the earth. The price of tin foil goes sky high.

* I appear on TV for some reason. I regret the fact that my hair looks so bad the one day I happen to be in front of a camera.

* I think something in my life is going to catch fire. I hope it's not going to be like that time the whole city of San Diego burned down.

* I don't know why, but I think something bad will happen involving Adam Sandler.

* I come in contact with a celebrity, who addresses me by name.

* Madness, sheer madness, insanity, and inanity. Chinatown won't even know what hit it.

So there we have it. I don't know what all of them mean, or why they're supposed to happen, but those are my hunches for the upcoming year. I'll revisit this list again one year from today to see how I fared, as is my custom.

2010 predictions revisited

Much like Brent's kidney stone, the year 2010 was a long, unpleasant, and mostly regrettable affair. But, also like Brent's kidney stone, it has finally passed. Now granted, there were some really good things that happened this year, like... nevermind. All I can say is, good riddance, 2010. May you be blotted from memory and shat on by oxen.

Anyway, let's move on to seeing how my predictions for this year fared...

* Brent surprises everyone with big news concerning his vocation and/or a dame.
Minus one. To my knowledge, Brent maintained status quo on these fronts. But he graduates next year, and I have a hunch this prediction will be made again, with success this time around.

A photo of Brent one year from now.

* Brent surprises absolutely no one with yet another round of STIs, this time including one or more that baffles the entire field of medicine.
Plus one. Again, Brent maintains the status quo.

* No fewer than four engagements, at least two of which make people's heads explode in cognitive dissonance.
Plus one. Two of the most surprising were my old friends Andrew and Craig (not to each other; to actual human women). These two were surprising because they'd both been in long-term relationships that had long passed the "now is the time people usually get engaged" mark and wandered deep into "I guess they're going to just skip that part, despite the tax benefits" territory.

* I will utterly destroy at least one shirt and one pair of pants somehow. Questionable jokes naturally follow.
Plus one. This prediction came true within the first month of the year, as I recall. Man those were good pants.

This umpire and I have exactly one thing in common.

* Expensive maintenance on my car :-(
Plus one, unfortunately. I spent at least the trade-in value of my car in repairs over the course of the year, which was a big contributing factor to 2010 being such a sucky suck of a year.

* Something I create gets published, but I don't benefit much from it.
Plus one. I had the privilege of doing the cover art for a children's book of poetry this year. I got paid for the gig, but true to the prediction, haven't seen much benefit beyond that, aside from the satisfaction of having my artwork published. Also true to the prediction, due to an ISBN error which bureaucracy has prevented from being fixed, a sideways photo of the author's grandson shows up as the cover art instead of my picture, so I don't even get the benefit of being able to show you my work.

This is not what I spent weeks drawing.

* I am a member of a band for at least two days. Awkward coughing into a microphone almost certain.
Minus one. I didn't even do karaoke this year, which is another reason it was a very bad year.

* Someone I know dies, gets injured, or gets very sick. I hope I'm wrong about this one.
Minus one. Sadly, I was not wrong about this one. My grandfather, who was fine at the start of the year, experienced a sudden decline and died around Easter. Next time, I'm predicting that people get unexpectedly well instead.

* Huge financial news that affects pretty much everyone. Better be something good.
Plus one. You may remember that on February 22, the Credit Card Reform Act took effect, greatly limiting the extent to which credit companies can swindle their clientele, as well as allowing people to carry concealed weapons in national parks (wait, what?). And there was also that little blip on the map called the Affordable Health Care for America Act that was signed into law on March 23, which I'm told was a big f***ing deal. There was also the BP oil spill sustained 3-month-long gush, which has affected all US taxpayers more than most of us realize. And of course the most recent event is the extension of the Bush-era tax cuts for all Americans, including those making $200,000+ a year. This effects everyone, even those making less than 200k, because of the ripple effect on the economy (positive in terms of consumer spending, negative in terms of the federal deficit).

For some reason, Republicans felt very strongly that this is an integral part of credit card reform.

* A major natural disaster shocks the world -- even cynical jerks like me. Obama will be criticized for it, regardless of where it takes place.
Plus one half. Who can forget the horrors of the 2010 Haiti earthquake? The devastation was practically immeasurable due to the shoddy infrastructure so common in third world countries. This one only get plus one half because the second part of the prediction didn't come true in any serious form, save for an irate Facebook comment left by a former co-worker of mine who was livid that Obama dispatched humanitarian aid to help the quake's victims, because, well, f*ck Haiti.

* A professional athlete faces a violent death, and Mitt Romney makes national headlines. These two are in no way related, but I'm putting them in the same prediction just to spice things up a little.
Plus one. The 2010 Winter Olympics were sullied by the death of Georgian luge athlete Nodar Kumaritashvili shortly before the games began. Technically speaking, Olympic athletes aren't professionals, but I still think it counts. As far as Mitt Romney goes, there's been buzz about him being a possibility for the next round of GOP Presidential candidates; I know that's not quite as exciting as I'd hoped, but I'll take it.

* Polka polka polka!
Plus one. I've heard so much Mexican Polka at this new taco shop that opened near my apartment, it's ridiculous. I don't know how Mexican folks can stand that much polka, but I guess it's not so bad when you consider the fact that at least it's not Smashmouth.

* The out-of-control cab ride to hell that has been ladies' fashion this decade hits an all-time low, and even Dov Charney must admit things are getting way too fugly for anyone's good.
Plus one. Oh hell, plus twenty is more like it. Have you seen those shirts that have shorts attached to them? What the hell is that? And what about those bathing suits that have a huge stripe down the front. What's that even supposed to be? I swear, all the fashion designers are playing a huge prank on the American people, laughing and high fiving at the things they manage to convince idiots the general public are good looking.

Somehow, somebody's convinced people that this actually looks good.

* The Love Boat becomes relevant again, and nobody is better off for it.
Minus one, thank goodness. A lot of terrible ideas from decades past have been revamped this year (The A-Team, Nightmare on Elm Street, Karate Kid, Tron), but fortunately, The Love Boat did not make the list.

* Only a moderate amount of madness, but a very liberal heaping of antics.
Minus one. It was actually only moderate antics, with very liberal amounts of madness.

All in all, my predictions were 63.3% accurate this year. If not for that one half point, I'd have been right exactly 2/3 of the time. Heck, if this was baseball, I'd be in the hall of fame with that average.

Ty Cobb, the greatest batter in the history of baseball, only had a .366 average, which is 42% worse than I did this year. Psh, what a loser.

predictions for 2010

As I look forward into the future, I can't help but think the coming year will be a whole lot better than the three preceding it. As you may recall, 2007 was super lame, and 2008 was just as crummy, if not worse. Hope was in the cards for 2009, but the dealer fell asleep or something because those cards never made it to the table. This year, though, will be different. I can feel it in my guts, and it's not a naïve kind of wishful feeling like I had with 2009; this time, it's going to be good. Really good. Possibly even-better-than-2006 good.

And while these predictions aren't necessarily related to how good the year will be, they will be a part of it in one way or another. Thus, it is my duty and pleasure to present to you...

THINGS THAT WILL HAPPEN IN 2010:

* Brent surprises everyone with big news concerning his vocation and/or a dame.

* Brent surprises absolutely no one with yet another round of STIs, this time including one or more that baffles the entire field of medicine.

* No fewer than four engagements, at least two of which make people's heads explode in cognitive dissonance.

* I will utterly destroy at least one shirt and one pair of pants somehow. Questionable jokes naturally follow.

* Expensive maintenance on my car :-(

* Something I create gets published, but I don't benefit much from it.

* I am a member of a band for at least two days. Awkward coughing into a microphone almost certain.

* Someone I know dies, gets injured, or gets very sick. I hope I'm wrong about this one.

* Huge financial news that affects pretty much everyone. Better be something good.

* A major natural disaster shocks the world -- even cynical jerks like me. Obama will be criticized for it, regardless of where it takes place.

* A professional athlete faces a violent death, and Mitt Romney makes national headlines. These two are in no way related, but I'm putting them in the same prediction just to spice things up a little.

* Polka polka polka!

* The out-of-control cab ride to hell that has been ladies' fashion this decade hits an all-time low, and even Dov Charney must admit things are getting way too fugly for anyone's good.

* The Love Boat becomes relevant again, and nobody is better off for it.

* Only a moderate amount of madness, but a very liberal heaping of antics.

2009 predictions revisited

Well ladies and germs, it's that special time of year again. I know, I know, I can hardly believe it either -- 58 years since the Marshall Plan expired! Can you believe it? Coincidentally, it's also the last day of 2009, which means it's time for me to revisit those predictions I made exactly a year ago. So in the immortal words of Castor Troy, "Let's go, let's go, I'm bored, let's go," I will review my predictions with no further ado:

The following things will take place in the year 2009:

* I actually do get that darn job this time. I'm very effing due.
Yes, although very different than what I had in mind. I actually ended up going back to school to get my Master of Divinity at Bethel Seminary, and just got hired to work in the library there. That, combined with my financial aid [aka the first debt I've ever had... not sure how I feel about that] and a couple of days a week at my old job at The Remington Club gives me enough money to survive on my own.

* Some schmuck will try to kill President Obama. He will not be successful.
I'm sure there were multiple attempts, but the two that stand out to me are the incredibly ill-conceived plot by white supremacists to shoot Obama during his inauguration speech, and the guy who mailed him an envelope of HIV-infected blood (and included his return address and a photo of himself, no less).

* Brent, naturally, will contract a baker's dozen STIs. He's very effing due.
Once again, like shooting fish in a barrel. He got so many this year, I even wrote a song about it.

* Caleb gets a swinging bachelor pad, a new chair, and an embarrassing rash.
I wish I could say I only got two out of the three, but alas, I'm batting 1.0 thus far.

* Someone I know will get in an auto accident.
My best friend Stacey got in a multi-car pileup earlier this year, rendering her car totally, um, totalled. Then, just a few nights ago, we were driving in her new car and got rear ended in a parking lot! Luckily the second one was just a scratch.

* Charles really will be the gentleman caller to a female acquaintance for at least 45 minutes. He's very effing due.
Not to my knowledge, but he did get a Lord of the Dance t-shirt.

* At least three massive political scandals. Not just little Larry Craig style, either. I'm talking Duke Cunningham and Rod Blagojevich calibre scandals that make Jay Leno not even have to try anymore.
Boy, if I just omitted the word "political" from that one, I'd have been right on with David Letterman and Tiger Woods. But rules is rules, and I said political scandals, which were surprisingly tame this year. We had Sen. John Ensign (R-NV) sleeping with his treasurer and Gov. Mark Sanford (SC) hastily skipping town without warning to hike the Appalachian Trail nail his Argentine adulteress. Both men declined to resign, despite the ridiculousness of their corruption, especially on the part of Sanford (who violated 37 ethics laws). We also saw [now former] CA Assemblyman Michael Duvall bragging to his friend about his multiple affairs with lobbyists over a hot mic on live TV. Woops! This was particularly outrageous because this clown has a long history of denying rights in the name of "family values"... but I guess adultery is more morally upright than same-sex marriage, eh Mike?

* Someone extremely unlikely gets engaged. Heads explode.
Brent (of multiple STI fame)'s sister Erica got engaged and subsequently married within the same week. Another Erika just announced her engagement to another guy named Brent (apparently going for the confusion factor), and my buddy Andy got engaged to his ladyfriend Courtney not long ago as well. I'm also told that my friend Washburn from high school got engaged within the past month or so, too. And then there's the engagement of former youth ministry student Peter to former youth ministry leader Meg (don't worry, it only sounds sketchy) And, according to some rumors I've heard, I may or may not have gotten engaged this year, as well. Funny how I'm always the last one to hear about the major events in my life.

* Sheer madness, the likes of which hasn't been seen since 2005. The kind of madness that'd make King George seem pretty straightforward.
I don't know if there was actually grand-scale madness of this sort, but there was definitely a high amount of small-scale madness, so that may average out about the same.

There we have it. Seven accurate predictions and two not-quite-there ones. Not too bad, I think. Hopefully I'll do even better in 2010.

Happy new year!
-cbr

predictions for 2009

Alright, I'm at a New Years Party, and I'm getting a lot of crap for nerding out on the blogosphere instead of playing Apples to Apples, so I'm gonna make this quick and dirty.

The following things will take place in the year 2009:

* I actually do get that darn job this time. I'm very effing due.

* Some schmuck will try to kill President Obama. He will not be successful.

* Brent, naturally, will contract a baker's dozen STIs. He's very effing due.

* Caleb gets a swinging bachelor pad, a new chair, and an embarrassing rash.

* Someone I know will get in an auto accident.

* Charles really will be the gentleman caller to a female acquaintance for at least 45 minutes. He's very effing due.

* At least three massive political scandals. Not just little Larry Craig style, either. I'm talking Duke Cunningham and Rod Blagojevich calibre scandals that make Jay Leno not even have to try anymore.

* Someone extremely unlikely gets engaged. Heads explode.

* Sheer madness, the likes of which hasn't been seen since 2005. The kind of madness that'd make King George seem pretty straightforward.

2008 predictions revisited

I'm writing this on a friend's computer, and have no choice but to reluctantly use Internet Explorer instead of a decent browser (i.e., anything besides Explorer). Due to the fact that Explorer sucks monkey feet, I have to rewrite this entire entry because IE decided to wait until I'd spent well over an hour writing and then erase everything, just to be a bastard. I hate Microsoft.

Anyway, enough ranting. Back to business. As you know, I spend every New Years Eve not having fun at parties, but blogging about my predictions for the upcoming year. Before I make my '09 predictions, it would be suitable to take a look back at the predictions I made last year and see how I fared. So, in the immortal words of the Joker's plastic surgeon, "Let's see how we did".

My predictions for 2008 were:

* I will get a new job. This job will be full time, and will pay enough that I only have to work the one job, and not two jobs. I will have time for hobbies, I will have a social life, and I'll actually have some of my paycheck left in the bank by the next payday. I've heard of that concept before; I think it's called "saving".
What a depressing way to start. Obviously, when I wrote this last year, I had no way to know that the economy would take a swan dive into the crapper, and finding a job would be about as easy as solving a Rubik's Cube. Needless to say, this prediction did not come true.

* Brent, of course, will contract yet another STI.
This one is always a slam dunk. I might as well predict that the sun will rise tomorrow.

* Someone I know will get engaged. This seems like a pretty safe bet these days; it's like there's a contagion going around, and at least one or two friends get infected every year.
About a week after I wrote this, my friend Lori got engaged to a guy who looks like Barak Obama. Sweet! A little later in the year, my ex-girlfriend Elaine got engaged, too. And finally, my friend Jessica, who had previously agreed to be a party to my aspirations of polygamy, got engaged to some other chump. Psh!

* I read at least one book in its entirety. This is a much more realistic prediction than last year's.
I did this! I read a book about leading a small youth group. It was a small book, but a book nonetheless.

* Big energy breakthrough.
Nothing earth-shattering, but instead a steady stream of little breakthroughs with huge potential (eg., 1, 2, 3, 4, 5).

* I make a new friend or two, who turn out to be really good ones. Yeah, I predicted this last year and was wrong, but this year I'm getting a new job and a social life, remember?
Oh yeah, this was a good year for making friends... Bekah, Shayna, Emilie, Trina, and Miki entered the world of Caleb's amigos this year. Notice how they're all chicks? That's weird, huh?

* Caleb makes some music. And not the kind that comes from eating lots of beans and cabbage.
Well, I got a standing ovation at a karaoke bar for my rendition of Mack the Knife; does that count?

* Caleb eats lots of beans. Doubtful on the cabbage.
Plenty of beans, and at least three times as much cabbage as last year. Nice.

* Charles is a gentleman caller to a young lady. For at least 45 minutes.
No, but he did get caught up in an elaborate lie in which he had to tell someone's mother-in-law that he was taking a girl to a Christmas party.

* Someone fairly unlikely gets discovered and given no less than 15 minutes of fame. This is someone I know, not just some random fool like that bro who got tased.
My brother was presented to Arnold at a packed-out Chargers game after the fires this year. That sort of counts, doesn't it? Wait, that was in 2007? Well, crap.

* Absolute madness, mischief, and mayhem of the highest degree.
Nothing stands up to 2007, when Durfey ended up naked in a fountain...

So, how did I do? Final count shows 7 accurate predictions, and 3 less-than-so. Not half bad, especially considering how lackluster this year was. Now, on to the predictions for 2009...

"well open up the stick with your wife barrel"

I had Chinese food last night, and I got this fortune in my cookie. I think they accidentally got my fortune mixed up with someone else's.



Somewhere in Jersey, some Guido got a cookie that told him "YOU'D RATHER JUST SIT AROUND AT HOME AND READ FARK WITH NO PANTS ON".

predictions for 2008

This is it! 2008 is going to be a great year; I can feel it! And even if it's only so-so, it'll seem like the year of jubilee coming after the most mediocre year I've ever seen in my life. Seriously, 2007 blew. But 2008 is going to rock. Hard.

And here's what will take place:

* I will get a new job. This job will be full time, and will pay enough that I only have to work the one job, and not two jobs. I will have time for hobbies, I will have a social life, and I'll actually have some of my paycheck left in the bank by the next payday. I've heard of that concept before; I think it's called "saving".

* Brent, of course, will contract yet another STI.

* Someone I know will get engaged. This seems like a pretty safe bet these days; it's like there's a contagion going around, and at least one or two friends get infected every year.

* I read at least one book in its entirety. This is a much more realistic prediction than last year's.

* Big energy breakthrough.

* I make a new friend or two, who turn out to be really good ones. Yeah, I predicted this last year and was wrong, but this year I'm getting a new job and a social life, remember?

* Caleb makes some music. And not the kind that comes from eating lots of beans and cabbage.

* Caleb eats lots of beans. Doubtful on the cabbage.

* Charles is a gentleman caller to a young lady. For at least 45 minutes.

* Someone fairly unlikely gets discovered and given no less than 15 minutes of fame. This is someone I know, not just some random fool like that bro who got tased.

* Absolute madness, mischief, and mayhem of the highest degree.

predictions for 2006...

* Brent gets a woman.

* Abe Vigoda still alive.

* Talk of impeachment, pointless squabbles follow.

* Somebody I know gets engaged. Probably someone nobody would expect.

* I get my college degree, but not without complications.

* Someone from the past returns to shake things up a bit.

* Conspiracies revealed in multiple levels of government, indictments follow.

* A respected actor, a beloved comedian, and an international icon will all die. People will freak out, saying, "They always die in threes," ignoring the plethora of famous people who die all the time by themselves.

* More great disasters, thousands more killed.

* Caleb gets a full time job, a bachelor pad, and an STD.

* Brent gets three STD's.

* Someone gets fired.

* A wish comes true, but so does one of those "be careful what you wish for" wishes.

* I win the respect of an adversary, but probably make new adversaries in the process.

* I make a new friend, who turns out to be a pretty good one.

* I exercise fairly regularly.

* A good shirt gets ruined in the laundry.

* Get Smart released on DVD.

* Something huge happens in Europe.

* Big news concerning toilets.

* Madness, sheer madness.