double-standard procedure

I saw an email recently with the subject line "A good idea".  I hesitantly opened it, expecting to see either an anti-immigrant diatribe or a "simple solution" to the nation's economic problems that could never work in the real world, yet takes itself dead seriously (and which would probably include hints of the former possibility, come to think of it).  Instead, I saw something short and sweet that I think everyone can agree on.

Proposed 28th Amendment to the United States Constitution:

"Congress shall make no law that applies to the citizens of the United States that does not apply equally to the Senators and/or Representatives; and, Congress shall make no law that applies to the Senators and/or Representatives that does not apply equally to the citizens of the United States."

I vote yes. What do you think?

as a dog returns to its vomit...

Well, it was bound to happen. In the throes of boredom, I gave Omegle another shot. The results are exactly what you'd expect from chatting with randomized, anonymous strangers at 1:15 am.


Apparently our friend here doesn't understand that one in the morning is, in fact, one in the morning. Apparently he also thinks being in the Pacific time zone makes him superior to me... even though I'm also in the Pacific time zone. And really, time zone differences are a good reason to stop talking to anybody, am I right?



This conversation is the closest this nerd will ever get to finding out the chick he's dancing with is actually a man.



Sometimes internet nerds get indignant when you point the obvious out to them.

And there you have it. Another wasted night on a useless website. On the plus side, though, I didn't encounter nearly as many penises as that one time I made the mistake of visiting Chatroulette. But of course now that I've said that, I'll probably be greeted by an ASCII schlong next time I log on.

(See my first journey into the abyss that is Omegle here)

at last, i've found my true calling

You know what? I think I've been in the wrong line of work...

(via EmailsFromCrazyPeople.com)

breast cancer sympathizer seeks used car

There are a lot of organizations trying to cure cancer. Apparently there's at least one trying to promote it.



I think cancer is doing just fine without my donations, thank you very much.

idiom fail

I found this gem in the trash at the retirement community where I work. It was too good to not take home and scan.

(You can click to enlarge if it's too small for your decrepit eyes)



Don't feel bad about laughing at this; the person doesn't have Alzheimer's or anything, he's just lousy at puzzles.

cause or effect?

Last night I dreamed I was in a public restroom, and even though I had just used the urinal, I started utilizing toilet paper. A lot of it. An inordinate amount, in fact. It struck me as weird even in the dream that I was doing so much wiping. I then woke up to find I had a massive wedgie.

predictions for 2010

As I look forward into the future, I can't help but think the coming year will be a whole lot better than the three preceding it. As you may recall, 2007 was super lame, and 2008 was just as crummy, if not worse. Hope was in the cards for 2009, but the dealer fell asleep or something because those cards never made it to the table. This year, though, will be different. I can feel it in my guts, and it's not a naïve kind of wishful feeling like I had with 2009; this time, it's going to be good. Really good. Possibly even-better-than-2006 good.

And while these predictions aren't necessarily related to how good the year will be, they will be a part of it in one way or another. Thus, it is my duty and pleasure to present to you...

THINGS THAT WILL HAPPEN IN 2010:

* Brent surprises everyone with big news concerning his vocation and/or a dame.

* Brent surprises absolutely no one with yet another round of STIs, this time including one or more that baffles the entire field of medicine.

* No fewer than four engagements, at least two of which make people's heads explode in cognitive dissonance.

* I will utterly destroy at least one shirt and one pair of pants somehow. Questionable jokes naturally follow.

* Expensive maintenance on my car :-(

* Something I create gets published, but I don't benefit much from it.

* I am a member of a band for at least two days. Awkward coughing into a microphone almost certain.

* Someone I know dies, gets injured, or gets very sick. I hope I'm wrong about this one.

* Huge financial news that affects pretty much everyone. Better be something good.

* A major natural disaster shocks the world -- even cynical jerks like me. Obama will be criticized for it, regardless of where it takes place.

* A professional athlete faces a violent death, and Mitt Romney makes national headlines. These two are in no way related, but I'm putting them in the same prediction just to spice things up a little.

* Polka polka polka!

* The out-of-control cab ride to hell that has been ladies' fashion this decade hits an all-time low, and even Dov Charney must admit things are getting way too fugly for anyone's good.

* The Love Boat becomes relevant again, and nobody is better off for it.

* Only a moderate amount of madness, but a very liberal heaping of antics.