by the way, which one's pink?

I work in a retirement community, and I've been called many wrong names over the two years I've been here. Evidently I am interchangeable with any other male employee who has dark hair and was born between 1975 and 1990. First I was Diego. Then Lazar. Then Chuck. I'm even Danny on ocassion, even though the real Danny is 6'5" and blond.

The problem is even worse on the phone, presumably because people don't have a face to go with my voice, and many seniors have poor hearing. I've been Kevin, Trevor, Kenneth, Calvin, Gabe, and about five or six others that I can't remember now (I used to keep a running list next to the phone). It was not uncommon to have a conversation like this three or more times in a day:

"Transportation, this is Caleb."
"Kevin?"
"No, Caleb."
"That's what I said. Kevin."
"No, not Kevin. This is Caleb."
"Oh! Hi Kenneth!"

A lot of changes take place in the brain as we get older, particularly with regard to memory, so I'm very gracious when the seniors get a little mixed up and think I'm someone else. I wish I could say it's just the seniors who do it, though. There's a chef here who's been calling me Charlie for the better part of a year, despite the large print name tag I wear every day. I've never corrected him, opting instead to see how long he carries on before someone else sets him straight. I guess you can say it's my own little field study, n=1. So far, it doesn't look like there's any end in sight.

QE for the SG

At least he tried to put a positive spin on it. In other news, I laugh too much in internet conversation.

"well open up the stick with your wife barrel"

I had Chinese food last night, and I got this fortune in my cookie. I think they accidentally got my fortune mixed up with someone else's.



Somewhere in Jersey, some Guido got a cookie that told him "YOU'D RATHER JUST SIT AROUND AT HOME AND READ FARK WITH NO PANTS ON".

Yello was unavailable for comment

http://www.boingboing.net/2008/07/07/ufo-turns-out-to-be.html

Honestly, that was the most amusing 30 seconds of my month.

i want to be, under the sea

1) Scientists are giving Rubik's cubes to octopuses to see if they have a favorite tentacle (article).

2) I freaking love science!

3) Somewhere along the line, the English language officially abandoned 'octopi' in favor of 'octopuses', and nobody bothered to inform me of this change.

4) I hate how fickle the English language is.

5) But, scientists are giving Rubik's cubes to octopuses to see if they have a favorite tentacle!

6) That's so rad!


Above: an octopus working on a Rubik's cube puzzle.
This photo is completely unaltered, including the text.
The octopus was actually saying that when the picture was taken.

as american as apple pie, ADD, and obesity

Independence Day has a long and proud history of holiday tradition: Cholesterol, explosives, heat stroke, drunk driving, cheap ass plastic hats, and historically inaccurate chain emails about our Founding Fathers.

Call me unpatriotic*, but after seeing the same email go around year after year, I'm beginning to grow a little weary of that latter tradition. So my fellow Americans, allow me to introduce you to Snopes' dismantling of an American tradition. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

And happy Fourth, of course.



*Unpatriotic (adj.): believing in liberty, freedom, truth, responsibility, and the Constitution. see also: commie; libtard; fag; and Thomas Jefferson.

the day i looked the fool

One time when I was a kid, I was thumbing through our family calendar and noticed something fascinating when I got to July. "Guess what, Mom," I ran into the living room, excited to tell someone, "Independence Day and the Fourth of July fall on the same day this year!"