a psa from me to you

Behold, my first attempt at singing outside of a karaoke bar.



Remember, the only 100% effective protection is abstinence.

everything to be said has already been said, but i'm going to say something anyway

The other day, my friend mentioned to me that she was surprised I hadn't posted anything about the Miss USA pageant controversy, as it is standard practice for me to comment on such things. I had no idea what she was talking about, as I hadn't yet read the internets that day, so I made my way to YouTube to find the incident in question. And I must admit, I was more than a little disappointed. Sorry, but beauty queens stammering out goofy drivel has been a little played out this past year, and it really isn't worth my time to comment on such old-hat anymore.

But then tonight, while enjoying a generator of random images, I found this cartoon, and couldn't resist posting it:



So now you can be happy, Kris; I've commented on your pageant scandal. Now I'm going to bed.

socks revolution, day 35

All is well on the socks front.

socks revolution, day 6

I went out and bought a dozen new black socks today, eliminating my need to sort any socks at all, save for my brown and green ones. But those are easy.

who is chius, anyway?

I have no idea who Chius is. All I know is that he lived in or around ancient Pompeii, had an unfortunate dermatological condition, and managed to fall out of the good graces of some smart ass with a disregard for public property.

That's right, ol' Chius was the subject of some ancient graffiti. He's not the only one in his town to befall this fate, either. Turns out Pompeii was chock full of graffiti, much of which shows strikingly how little man has changed since ancient times. Here are some of my favorites:
(sources: 1, 2, 3)

O Chius, I hope that your ulcerous pustules reopen and burn even more than they did before!

Pyrrhus to his colleague Chius: I grieve because I hear you have died; and so farewell.

Whoever loves, go to hell. I want to break Venus' ribs with blows and deform her hips. If she can break my tender heart, why can't I hit her over the head?

Atimetus got me pregnant.

Litus, you are a mediocre man.

Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men’s behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!

We pissed our beds. I know, O Host, we were wrong.
Ask why? There was no chamber pot.

On the 9th of November Quintus Postumius invited Aulus Attius to have homosexual intercourse with me.

Celadus the Thracier makes the girls moan!

Someone at whose table I do not dine, Lucius Istacidius, is a barbarian to me.

Here Harpocras has had a good fuck with Drauca for a denarius.

Watch it, you that shits in this place! May you have Jove's anger if you ignore this.

Myrtis, you do great blow jobs.

We two dear men, friends forever, were here. If you want to know our names, they are Gaius and Aulus.

At Nuceria, near the Roman gate, is the district of Venus. Ask for Novellia Primigenia.

I screwed the barmaid. (written on a tavern wall)

Theophilus, don’t perform oral sex on girls against the city wall like a dog.

Marcus loves Spendusa.

Celadus the Thracian gladiator is the delight of all the girls.

I have buggered men. (written on someone's house)

If anyone does not believe in Venus, they should gaze at my girlfriend.

Secundus likes to screw boys.

I screwed a lot of girls here.

Sollemnes, you screw well!

If anyone sits here, let him read this first of all: if anyone wants a fuck, he should look for Attice; the price is four asses.

Epaphra, you are bald!

Phileros is a eunuch!

Samius to Cornelius: go hang yourself!

Epaphra is not good at ball games.

Secundus defecated here. (written three times on one wall!)

Apollinaris, the doctor of the emperor Titus, defecated well here.

O walls, you have held up so much tedious graffiti that I am amazed that you have not already collapsed in ruin.

This is not a place for idlers. Leave, you who have nothing to do.

in the critical thinking gang, the initiation is to use google

The forwards are going around. Perhaps you've already gotten one (or seven). I just started getting the mass text message forwards about an hour ago, which warn of a shooting to take place at Walmart in which you, or someone you know, may be a target:

Do not go to wal-mart. Gang initiation to shoot 3 women tonight. Not sure which wal-mart. Confirmed on tv. Send to all girls.

I immediately dismissed this as a hoax, as it has more red flags than a Chinese New Year parade. First off, there are no specifics details included – no mention of a city, metro area, or even state in which this is supposed to take place. It could be anywhere! It may not happen at my local Walmart... but it could! What better way to cause widespread panic among people who don't use Google than to imply that it could happen anywhere in the country (including where you are right now!).

Second red flag is the lack of credible source. Someone writing a genuine warning would be sure to include where the information is coming from, so that others will take it seriously; that source would most likely be a police department or local news outlet. "Confirmed on tv" doesn't cut it, except for those among us who tend to forward first and think critically later.

Third red flag is the sheer implausibility of the situation. For one, gang initiations generally involve some form of property crime (stealing stuff, breaking into things), and/or getting your ass kicked by the other gangsters. Shooting random people as an initiation is purely the stuff of urban legends and "Fwd: Fwd: FW: Fwd: Fwd:Fwd:" emails your grandma sends you. Even if a gang did institute such an initiation, though, you wouldn't be hearing about it through a text or email forward. The initiation would be first known to the police, who would probably not release it to the general public (hopefully), as widespread panic is generally something police departments absolutely want to avoid. You and I would probably never even know about said initiation, except for the news report later that night about a group of plainclothes cops who gunned down a wannabe gangster when he tried to shoot somebody in the Health & Beauty aisle.

EDIT: Although random murder as a rite of passage is uncommon, I didn't mean to imply that it never happens. Unfortunately for people like these girls and this man, it is indeed a sad, albeit rare, reality.

So please, ladies and gentlemen, use your heads before you forward warnings about gang initiations, poison dog food, and waking up in a bathtub full of ice without your kidneys. Does it seem implausible, vague, or incredible? It's probably crap. If you think it might be credible, or you just would rather be safe than sorry, please check out Snopes first, or at least run a simple Google search to make sure you're not simply perpetuating a problem.

socks revolution, day 3

I think I've pretty much completely acclimated to the ankle socks now. I'm wearing jeans today (vs. khakis yesterday), and the exposure problem doesn't seem to be an issue. Maybe the solution is to wear dress socks (which are crew length) with my khakis, and my regular (ankle) socks with jeans and shorts. Which reminds me, I think I need to revolutionize my dress socks, too. They're even worse to sort than my (old) white ones.