and you'll never believe what happened next, your honor...

 

I wish I could be in the courtroom the day he explains the turn of events that led to this...

double-standard procedure

I saw an email recently with the subject line "A good idea".  I hesitantly opened it, expecting to see either an anti-immigrant diatribe or a "simple solution" to the nation's economic problems that could never work in the real world, yet takes itself dead seriously (and which would probably include hints of the former possibility, come to think of it).  Instead, I saw something short and sweet that I think everyone can agree on.

Proposed 28th Amendment to the United States Constitution:

"Congress shall make no law that applies to the citizens of the United States that does not apply equally to the Senators and/or Representatives; and, Congress shall make no law that applies to the Senators and/or Representatives that does not apply equally to the citizens of the United States."

I vote yes. What do you think?

as a dog returns to its vomit...

Well, it was bound to happen. In the throes of boredom, I gave Omegle another shot. The results are exactly what you'd expect from chatting with randomized, anonymous strangers at 1:15 am.


Apparently our friend here doesn't understand that one in the morning is, in fact, one in the morning. Apparently he also thinks being in the Pacific time zone makes him superior to me... even though I'm also in the Pacific time zone. And really, time zone differences are a good reason to stop talking to anybody, am I right?



This conversation is the closest this nerd will ever get to finding out the chick he's dancing with is actually a man.



Sometimes internet nerds get indignant when you point the obvious out to them.

And there you have it. Another wasted night on a useless website. On the plus side, though, I didn't encounter nearly as many penises as that one time I made the mistake of visiting Chatroulette. But of course now that I've said that, I'll probably be greeted by an ASCII schlong next time I log on.

(See my first journey into the abyss that is Omegle here)

at last, i've found my true calling

You know what? I think I've been in the wrong line of work...

(via EmailsFromCrazyPeople.com)

breast cancer sympathizer seeks used car

There are a lot of organizations trying to cure cancer. Apparently there's at least one trying to promote it.



I think cancer is doing just fine without my donations, thank you very much.

idiom fail

I found this gem in the trash at the retirement community where I work. It was too good to not take home and scan.

(You can click to enlarge if it's too small for your decrepit eyes)



Don't feel bad about laughing at this; the person doesn't have Alzheimer's or anything, he's just lousy at puzzles.

cause or effect?

Last night I dreamed I was in a public restroom, and even though I had just used the urinal, I started utilizing toilet paper. A lot of it. An inordinate amount, in fact. It struck me as weird even in the dream that I was doing so much wiping. I then woke up to find I had a massive wedgie.