Is it just me, or is the Christmas spirit dying a little more each year? I don't think it's just because I'm getting older, either. I think there are fewer Christmas specials on TV, fewer decorations in public places, and overall holiday cheer is going the way of Polio.
But the most unsettling part is the lack of Christmas charities. What happened to all the Toys for Tots bins that used to be in front of stores? Is there a shortage of marines or something? And I've only seen one Salvation Army bell ringer so far this year. They used to be outside of every Target and supermarket. What's going on?
It's like Santa Claus got pissed off at the churches for reminding people of the true meaning of Christmas, which threatens his job security, so he and his elf goons went around muscling up anybody who tried collecting things for the poor and needy. Well your guido scare tactics aren't gonna work, fat man! I'm gonna buy less and less stuff than ever before, just to spite you. I'm not even going to use wrapping paper. Getting nervous?
I know one person isn't going to make much of a dent in your profits, but once everybody checks out Buy Nothing Christmas, I bet your fur-trimmed wallet's gonna start feeling a little lighter. Oooh, is it getting hot in here, fatso?
You're the worst monster in Big Business. You're an enemy to all things good and holy and kind. You make the Grinch look like Martin Luther King, you greedy a-hole. Bite me, Santa. Get bent. I hope your sleigh crashes into an iceberg.
- Caleb
a collection of musings on life, politics, culture, and humor.
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